My Baby Can Double Fist, What Can Yours Do?!

   It's called My Kid Is Special, because I knew early on just how smart, talented, coordinated and perfect little Wyatt would be. I am basically writing these blog posts just so I can prove to the world how much better my kid is than yours, and how much better of a dad I am than all of you, um, mostly women who read this. (hi Joe!!)

   So, let's just put it this way. 12 months old, can your kid do this!?

   Of course your baby can't, that's just crazy! Did you see the part where he picked up his stuffed dog, Tyler, and then tried to play with all three?! Of course you did, because it was near the end and that video was frick'n gripping. That's determination on his part, trying to overcome his physical AND spatial limitations. We still aren't even sure if he's right or left handed, because he's so dang talented with both.

   And to answer your question: yes I do think I'm a wonderful dad for letting him have three wonderful push-roll soundmakers. It's probably why my kid is so special. 

   I also think this is evidence of his, um, specialness:

My mood: so proud!

Wy's mood: what more can I do?!

Listening to: Norah Jones

Wyatt's First Birthday Party!! Wahoo!!

   What a great day!! Cara and I wanted to throw a fun little party for Wyatt's first birthday. By now you've probably seen the infamous moment that came out of the party, but there's still more great stuff!! We chose the theme "The Legend of Zelda." Now, people seem to question using the word "we" in that last line. I can honestly say she was the one that pitched it, and I was the one that ran with it. Since you probably don't know, and jokes are funniest when they have to be explained to everyone at the party, "Link" is the main character, the one pictured above (image found at zeldapedia, which is of course a real website). Link is trying to save Princess Zelda. 

   Cara had a lot of fun making his little tunic and his cute little hat. We even toyed with the idea of giving him little elf ears, but, really, he already has them (you're welcome, Wyatt!!) But, did you know that there are lots of things about The Legend of Zelda that translate really well to a birthday party!? Of course you didn't! You've never played the game, just like how none of the people that were actually at the party had played the game, save for my brother!! So, I'll explain everything in excruciatingly precise, embarrassing detail like I did to them, and you'll love it!

HOLY CRAP IF YOU DON'T START HOLDING THAT BOTTLE I DON'T EVEN KNOW

   I keep telling myself the same old lie. A couple of lies, really. The first, and most common is "today might be the day." Today might be the day he opens those two adorable little hands, grabs on to that which he wants so badly, and drinks from it. I've seen him grab things. I know he can do it.

   No, today is not the day.

Ok, let's try again.

Some Breakthroughs!!

  Goodness, every day truly is another miracle when there's a baby in your life, or when there's a Cinnabon near your house. A lot has been going on in our household lately, so let's not waste any time and get to it!

   First off, Wy has been flirting with walking for a few weeks now. I posted some videos of him standing and taking a few steps recently, but at the time both of those activities required a lot of encouragement.

   No more.

   This video was taken at Wyatt's Great-Grandparent's house (Cara's Gramma). I wasn't even around for it!  (FYI, the action doesn't start until about 30 seconds in)

   Did you see that!? My little baby can walk, all just because he saw some knobs on a drawer and wanted to get to them! (The kid loves knobs). This was taken maybe two or three days ago. Wyatt really likes his GreatGrandparents, and he seems especially active there.

   Then this happened last night:

   Bang! Take that mom, who was nowhere in sight!! I guess it is I, daddy, who was present for the greatest triumph of his life to date, and I bet he'll remember that forever. In ten years we'll be arguing around the kitchen table about whether or not dad is better than mom, and even though I'll totally be winning anyways, I can sneak and "And, mom wasn't even around when you learned to walk!" Victory.
   I wonder who regrets having a job now?!

   But that's not all. As the super fans of My Kid Is Special undoubtedly remember, (because I bring it up ALL THE TIME), Wyatt refuses to hold his own bottle. Well, we made a small step for mankind today on our trip to Talbots I mean Kohls The Home Depot:

   Wha!?!? He's holding his sippy cup to his mouth, and tilting it up so he can consume beverage!! This might be the happiest day of my life apart from that one time I beat Super Mario Brothers 3 in 5th grade. (This isn't even a good picture, as he was holding it up WAY further today!)
   I am the best freaking dad ever.


My mood: I feel like the best freaking dad ever.
Wyatt's mood: ready to take on the world!
Listening to: Foster The People

Are You Seriously Not Going To Pick Up That Bottle?!?!

This is an artistic expression of the sentiments in this house.

   What is it going to take?
   I don't think I can let you starve, but the only way you'll learn to hold your own bottle is if you have to. Necessity is the mother of invention is the phrase I just made and should always get credit for, and it directly applies here!

   So this happens.

   And we're kind of close, but no nourishment is entering any mouths anywhere. So I try this.

   Which just isn't sustainable. And once he's drunk enough formula to get past the nipple (hahahaha), he can't get to the rest. There's no tipping of the bottle! It all leads to this (watch up until the first minute, then do as you please):

   I would ask for your advice, but it's not like it matters, you'll give it to me anyways. Everybody has advice for every baby problem on the planet. Well we are doing just fine on our own, Michelle, and don't really need to know that if we held him upside-down by his ankles he'd pull the bottle to his mouth. Also we've tried.

My mood: perplexed
Wy's mood: legos!!
Listening to: The Killers

Market Integration!!

Fashion tip: I've found that a yellow shirt really brings out the yellow in my teeth.

   Hey everybody! It's me, Grant! Your favorite baby blogger and daddy! I wanted to let you know that those of us here at mykidisspecial have just completed an exhaustive market research session. In the process, I have learned that my readership demographics have drastically changed in the last few months! What fun!
   For the first few days it was just me reading the ol' blog. Over and over and over again, by myself. Waiting for a pageview. Then my mom learned about it! Soon, I had aunts reading, and then other people's moms and aunts were reading, and even a few grandmas!! What fun! Now my wife even reads it! Well, guess what!? It turns out that prospective parents - specifically, fathers-to-be - have started to read as well! (Hi Jeff!) I figure, as a public service to all of you that might be having a little Wyatt joining you soon, I should pass along some great products that we've found really useful. What fun!
   So let's start with the basics. Dr. Brown's Bottles. I kid you not, they are fantastic for two main reasons: 1) They have this straw/airflow system that drastically reduces the need to burp your baby WHILE letting the baby suck milk or formula more quickly, but more importantly 2) they have 5 pieces that you put together/take apart every time you want to clean it. This is important because you start to time yourself, and then you pretend like you are assembling/dissassembling a weapon like cool people always do in action movies. Trust me, there's nothing manlier than watching Die Hard Collection - Blu-ray - Action & Adventure on your La-Z-Boy Outdoor Isabella Deep Seating Set - Paprika - 4 pc. - Deep while assembling your Dr. Brown's Natural Flow 3-Pk. 4-Oz. Bottles after having made a great meal on you Hybrid Grill Infrared, Gas and Charcoal Cooking System-.com.

(why did that last product end in .com?)

   Seriously though, the bottle has been very good to us. We actually have six of them, though we gave one to Wyatt's grandma for when she babysits. There's no better feeling than having 5 clean, ready-to-awesomely-assemble bottles to satisfy your grumpy, hungry baby. If there's one complaint we have with the bottle, it's that YOUR BABY WILL NEVER, EVER HOLD THE BOTTLE ON ITS OWN. EVER.

Also, my hand and wrist are basically just one big stump, apparently.

My mood: ashamed and sell-outy
Wyatt's mood: dangerous and bellie-button-outy
Listening to: the breeze

OHMYGOSHJUSTHOLDYOUROWNBOTTLE!!

   Wyatt is very advanced for his age. There's pretty much nothing your baby can do that mine can't. More than just motor skills, however, he is smart. I mean, really, really smart.
   The best evidence of this is the simple fact that he refuses to hold his own bottle. He can do it. I have a picture of him doing it when he's like 2 months old. Sure, in that picture I pretty much propped the bottle in his slowly-moving-at-the-time hands, but still. So, why won't he do it now? No, it's not because he can't (remember: he can do everything and more that your kid can so just drop it), it's because he's smart.


   Think about it. If you had the world convinced that you couldn't clean toilets, would you ever give up the ruse?! No! Because you don't want to clean toilets! Wyatt would rather lay there all relaxed, like he's the king, and be served food straight to his mouth. Sometimes he turns his head to the side just a little, as if to say "I'd rather drink milk at this angle," or "let's just make sure you are paying attention." It's as if he knows as soon as he pulls that nipple to his mouth, his survival is now much more in his hands.
   The kid is smart. I can't stress enough: he's smarter than your kid, no matter how old he or she is. I know that he can hold things towards his face. Here he is holding a sippy cup to his lips. He doesn't really get any juice out of it (he doesn't get the bottom of the cup elevated), but we know that these motor skills are in fine working order.

   Well guess what kid. I'm pretty smart too. Way smarter than all of my friends' kids. I've taken some steps of my own:

   That's right, I rigged a home feeding system that has an 87% chance of not choking your baby.

   It's not perfect, but few prototypes are. It kind of hangs and swings a bit too much, so sometimes it falls out of his mouth. And if he isn't actively drinking from it, it'll drip all over him. And sometimes it loses its tilt and doesn't really offer much milk. But what do I care?! I've fed the baby and that's my job. I'll do a home installation for $200 not including materials or gas.

My mood: accomplished
Wyatt's mood: lethargic
Listening to: Call Me Maybe on repeat