Sunday, January 25, 2015

Uncle Bear is Engaged AKA We Have A New Babysitter!!

Wyatt and Uncle Garrett. Wy calls him "Unk Bear," and here they are hunting Christmas Trees

   Well, America, we've been adding family members left and right and upside-down over here. First, Auntie Ashley got married to Kirk, which lead to the cutest set of pictures in the history of Western Civilization. Then our precious little Lincoln was born, which lead to the greatest picture ever taken in the history of instagram (scroll down a few). And now, my brother, Uncle Garrett is engaged!! To an actual girl this time!!

   We haven't talked about Garrett much over here at My Kid Is Special, because, well, he's never really done anything before. My fiancee-in-law is named Faith, and she is sure excited to watch my kids whenever I want, all the time, for free!! Here is a really, really good picture of her that proves she's real.

She's the girl on the left. Not the one holding her hair. The one in the black-and-white striped, old-timey prison uniform. No, not that one, the other one. The one who is looking at me like "When is the earliest I can kill you?!" She's super great, though.


   We like Faith because she's not afraid to scare the living coconuts out of small children.

This was Faith's rendition of "M is for Monster" and also sweet dreams Wyatt!!
   Seriously, that's messed up. You can see that Cara tried to add some pink and some hearts and rainbows and MyLittlePonies and stuff to make the whole "M-Is-For-Monster" thing a little less terrifying, but it wasn't too effective. And, it's not like we can take it down, that was Faith's first piece of art!! It belongs on the wall of letters!!

   Here's a picture Wyatt took himself, so we at least we can safely assume that it's not seeping into his pysche or anything and OHMYGOSHTHAT'STERRIFYING

Why would you even go with "M is for Monster" in the first place?!

   It comes as a part of our wall of the alphabet. When Wyatt walks by, we'll often ask him to name each letter. Look!!



   As our more astute readers have noticed, the letter "E" doesn't belong on the wall of letters. We were Entertaining some Energetic Elementary-aged kids and "E" was Eviscerated, so for now Wyatt reads "A, B, C, D, there should be an E here, F, G ..." only he doesn't actually do the part with the E. We don't think he is going to be too screwed up by this.

   Yes, you read that correctly. My ThrEE year old can say the letters up through N, gets read to almost every month, and likes to color and play with Play-Dough that we make ourselves. He likes to help make coffee, can't sing ANY songs, and only eats chocolate and cookies for food. It's pretty clear who the world's greatest parents are. In case it's not clear, it's me and also sometimes Cara.

   That isn't even all of the family art up in the house!! The big thing in the middle was done by yours truly. No, not truly. It was done by Cara, which is weird because it is so geometric which makes you think it's be done by me. The two on the right are some of Wyatt's adventures in water-painting (there are two more on the left, but I couldn't get them all in one shot without having horrible glare. And not in the cool Michael Bay ways).

Are on the walls by Cara and Wyatt. But don't feel bad for me, I have some art that is prominently on display in the trash can. If I were to be honest, that's where it belongs.

  Also here's a picture of our other special kid while sleeping.

Good skin day for Lincoln.
My mood: proud of my brother and a little concerned for his fiancee!!
Wyatt's mood: not wanting to eat anything
Lincoln's mood: wanting to only eat everything all the time
Cara's appetite: making lots of great food for us to eat and also lots of chicken nuggets and fries!!
Listening to: James Taylor

Monday, January 19, 2015

Bedtime Stories!!

Wyatt feeding Lincoln while ... prepping ... for the dentist?

   Guys, we're reading to Wyatt all the time. It's because we are truly superb parents. And, as absolutely wonderful as kids' books are, they can be absolutely awful.

   I am talking about plot, of course. Why, oh why, would any children's book ever try to have a plot?! When I sit down to read a story, I don't want there to be paragraphs, or developing characters, or feelings or anything. I want people hopping on pop and counting fish and eating moldy eggs. But when there is a farmer trying to make it to town and back, with obstacles and funny interactions, ugh. Too many words and pages and too much time. Whenever Wyatt wants to read something about Paddington, or even a thorough George, my heart sinks. I just want it to rhyme and move fast.

   I feel the same way about kids' shows. The less plot, the better. Wyatt has recently gotten back into Jake and the Neverland Pirates. (Funny story, I hope: Wyatt reconnected with the show because he had a dream about it. He has been telling us about his dreams, but it took us a while to figure out that's what was going on. "Dad, I was a could, and the cloud was James, and then, and then, and then I went to school and you were there and mom was not there and you were not there." It's super fun.) One day, after he came to me and said "Dad I watch Jake when I close my eyes!" I told him we weren't going to watch any Jake today. He go sad, but then went to his bed and closed his eyes and hoped to watch more. He was disappointed when it didn't work.

Cara eating Link's cheeks. A pretty common occurrence round these parts.

   Anyways, Jake initially didn't have any of that awful plot stuff. Sure, Jake and his puny pirate friends to save the treasure from Captain Hook and Smee, but the "treasure" was always things like "friendship" or "learning" or "vegetables." The show might've even tried to have some puzzles or counting exercises or something. But they gave up on that pretty quick, and the "treasure" was pretty much just "treasure" and they tried to have some of that stupid plot. They introduced new characters and had story lines that reoccurred and it was horrible. They even gave Captain Hook a mother, for crying out loud!! Now, I just recently saw Hook for the first time, and I can assure you that mothers in Neverland is NOT CANON.

   Plot is the worst. Sing a funny song that doesn't get stuck in my head, have good music and good voice acting, and get on with it. (On that note, you should try watching Justin Time). Still, Wyatt's new favorite thing is for me to be Captain Hook and him to be Jake. I chase him around the house with my finger curled like a hook, yelling things like "I'll get you Jake, if it's the last thing I do!!" or "Come back with me treasure, you puny pirates!!" or "Smee!!!!" or "Blast you, scurvy scallawags!!" or okay you caught me I really like this game.

My mood: not as sleepying as like as I'd much to be
Wyatt's mood: counting gold doubloons.
Lincoln's mood: might not like dairy that much:
Cara's mood: might have to not consume dairy that much (and no more happiness!!)
Listening to: the Friends theme song while watching Friends over and over.

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Grocery Shopping Perfected!!

   We found quite literally the last parking spot at Costco and braved the crowds for some food stocks to survive the long, moderate Willamette Valley winter. While there, Wyatt had a breakthrough whose magnitude cannot yet be appreciated. Let's just say that shopping will never be the same:

video

   Why on earth had I never thought of this when I was young?! I mean, younger. It's only because I am such an awesome father that Wyatt even has things like this cross his mind, really. When shopping, I am the dad that lets Wyatt ride in the shopping cart, hang on the sides like he's windsurfing, push or pull, or drive it into the little cardboad cookie stands at the ends of isles (my hope is to be all "Hey Mr. Manager these cookies are broken someone ran over them I might as well take them home," but Mr. Manager is always like "Please just call me Bob."
   Anyways, this method of cart transportation was fun, had Wyatt out of the way and safe and always nearby, and garnered us both lots of attention. All the kids who were sitting in the little seats had an expression of "What have I been doing with my life?!" why they saw this.
   December 30th, 2014, the world was forever changed. By Wyatt-but-mostly-Dad Gilchrist

   This is not, however, the first potentially-world-changing event to take place in the gates of Kirkland. Do you remember my awesome idea for a reality show? I wrote about it in my other blog, you know the one that used to house all my ideas and super impressive thoughts. It pretty much died once this one started. BECAUSE THIS BLOG GETS ALMOST 60 MORE PAGE VIEWS PER DAY.
I would love to take 12 people, lock them in a Costco, and see how long they live. Months? Years? Forever? Can they build a new society?

   I've actually written-and-then-never-published a couple things over there. (I'm not linking to it because when I went back and looked it over all I thought was "sheesh this is embarassing drivel." Totally unlike this blog, which will stand the test of time.) (Okay fine you talked me into it.) Stuff like "My thoughts on the Mission Impossible Quartology: Mission is this really necessary?!" and "151 Reasons Why Bulbasaur is the Best Starting Pokemon." (Don't really, there weren't actually 151 reasons, obvs). But, when you get right down to it, no one really cares about me when this little guy is around...

Lincoln doing what Lincoln does.
I woke up planning to make pancakes. Wyatt yelled in his sleep "I want a pancake!!" I figured I'd spoil the kid until he's completely entitled and just let him wake up to it. Sadly, he woke up like an hour and a half after this was taken and wasn't impressed.

   I know those pictures are the reason you come here, but thanks for at least pretending to read some of the text.

My mood: Left out
Wyatt's mood: hungry
Lincoln's mood: sleepy/hungry. Always sleepy hungry.
Cara's mood: Milk Truck.
Listening to: Kids Bop 7 (not the best one)

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Some Big Changes!!





   Well, guys, we are now a family of four. This means I've got street cred. No more do other parents see me and offer unsolicited adviceslashjudgement. None of this "Oh we only gave Bradley breast milk from Tibetan monks, but it's good you give your newborn so much Yoohoo..." because I am legit. Now, instead, parents look at me and nod with that grim look of admiration and "You're one of us now!!" with just a hint of "Darn he's handsome."

   So, yeah, there are some changes. As you've seen by now, I had my buddy Sean Lee whip up some new art to reflect my growing family. (If you'd like so see some of his work, it's found at http://shalbro.tumblr.com/tagged/original-art).

Not at all creepy, Wyatt!!
   The first place our family of four went was to the store to buy beer. This is not a lie. Wyatt really likes it!! That is a lie. Anyways, we showed up at Wal-Mart (holy crap the first time Lincoln left the house was to go to Wal-Mart to buy beer I should go to jail), and I thought "How... How do we do this?! There are two of them!! When Wy was born it took 11 bags and 45 pounds of gear to go anywhere, and now there are two of them!!" I am pretty sure that this is uncharted parenting territory, that we are the first to ever take two kids to the store at the same time. Pioneers.

   The real big change - apart from, you know, the new person in the world with us - is seeing the changes in Wyatt. We worked hard to make him excited about the new baby. Never blaming anything on him, always talking about how much fun they would have, even buying Wyatt presents from Lincoln. But when Link came, well, this was our first captured memory:

Link with his dad, Uncle Bear, Auntie Ashley, and brother Wyatt. 
   Wyatt didn't say a word to me, or anyone, when he first met his new brother. You have to understand, from the time we realized Link was coming, to the time he actually came, only a little over two hours passed. Wyatt went from hanging out at home with Ash, Mom and Dad, to having Ash take him to the hospital where a new person was out in the world.

   He was carried in by Ashley and was completely silent, still, and expressionless, except for his wide open eyes. I asked if he wanted to meet his brother ("No"), say hi to the baby ("No"), or kiss the baby (nothing). That was his first night.

   He spent the night with Ash, and asked if mom and the baby were okay all night. He was excited to come see us the next day, but was again overwhelmed by the new reality.


   But it didn't take long for him to warm up!! He spent the next few days asking about the baby, saying hi, wanting to pet and hold and kiss it, and say "Baby winkin" all the time. The best thing that happened was, of course, done by me: I meant to tell Wyatt "I have to go change your baby brother's diaper," but instead said "I have to go change your baby's diaper."

   He perked up at this, and had a huge, wondrous smile. "Oh!! It's my baby?"
I wasn't sure what to do. "Well, no, not really ... it ... um ..."
"It's not mom's baby it's my baby!"
"Sure, Wy, it's your baby."

   Since that moment, when Link was 4 days old, Wy has called him "my baby" ever since. "Daddy my baby's crying. Mommy, my baby's hungry." It is absurdly precious. He even wants us to go back to the hospital to pick up three more babies.



Wyatt's first time with mom and Lincoln. Dad's first time trying to manually focus a camera.

   (Quick little side story: Wyatt's biggest fear is being bored. When we are going to get in the car and run lots of errands, as we are climbing into the carseat he'll often exclaim "Oh no, I'm bout to be bored!!" with a lot of fear in his voice. So, when baby Link is crying, he'll say calmly "Baby sad," and when the baby is feeding or sleeping, he calmly says "Baby sleeping," but when Link is awake and still and quiet, this is when Wy freaks out. "Oh no, baby is getting bored!!" Also absurdly precious.

   In all honesty, before Lincoln was born, Wyatt was a good kid. But since he's become a big brother, he has become an outstanding kid. I mean it. He is obedient, helpful, happy, eager to do things for us, and loves to love his brother. We are going to have 12 more kids just to make him really perfect.

My mood: up all night, sleep all day
Wyatt's mood: fussy
Link's mood: sleeping a bit more at night
Cara's mood: wants to take a bath (we all want this)
Listening to: James Taylor, New Moon Shine  

Friday, December 19, 2014

Baby Feet!!

   This blog post is exactly what it sounds like. Millions and millions of pictures of baby feet. I don't know why there were so many on the camera once I loaded the pictures onto the computer, but after assessing some damage control, I think it's a problem. Like, I am concerned for my wife and her foot obsession. Check this out...

Cara took every single one of these pictures.

I am going to show them all to you. 
Some pictures are almost indistinguishable from each other.

Others are just like what?!

But no, this is not the same exact picture as the last one. She just took two of them.

This is a much better angle.

Yeah okay that's kind of cute.

I suppose they are absurdly tiny. 
Okay my plan to mock Cara is backfiring - I am becoming obsessed with baby feet.

Don't hide from me, foot!! You're too cute!!

Wait... is this the same picture as before? (No!!)

This one is!!

We told the left foot "Be plain" and the right foot "Get angry!!"

"Work that camera, left!! What are you doing, right?!!"

I need to wrap this up in a hurry.
What!? Really, Cara? Your own feet?

I didn't realize this was such a thing for you.

I mean, if you'd told me, I guess we could have worked on it.

Did you move to a new location to get a different pattern in the background?


Here's an old picture of Wyatt's feet I dug around to find. I guess I need t join the party and make this a family affair...


I wanted to try and join in the fun, but failed miserably. Socks!? What was I thinking.


Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Baby Lincoln Pictures!!!!



Here are more pictures than you can possible handle of Lincoln. Hope you enjoy.






 THERE ARE SEVERAL MORE AFTER THE BREAK!!

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

New Little Guy!!!!!!!!



   He's finally here!!

   You've just been waiting and waiting for a reason to get out of bed and turn on that computer, I know. (Pro tip: put the computer in your bed with you. Problem solved.) Well, little Lincoln James Gilchrist is here to occupy your ample spare time.

  Little Link was born in a hurry. I'll spare the gory details, but the nurses went from rolling their eyes at our urgent requests for a delivery to screaming "Get that doctor in here or I will have to deliver this baby right now!!" down the hall. This is not a joke. That was on Thursday, the 11th of December, 2014. He weighed 7 pounds, 5 ounces, was 18 inches long, came at 9:30 pm, and who on earth cares about all of these stats anyways?

   I want to have one blog post without the #sarcasm that you all love me for. I want to talk about how blessed I feel to have this family and how great my wife is and what a huge gift all of my family and Cara's family is, but even writing that last sentence made me feel a little bit nauseous, so that plan is out the window. Let's start a long lifetime of sibling comparisons:




   Can you tell which one is which? Well, the picture quality is incredibly low with the image on the right, suggesting that it came from a more primitive time when camera phones were less like cameras and more like the cameras that were sold for Game Boy Color back in the 90's. The one on the left is Link, who had more hair, darker skin tone and terrifyingly purple hands at birth, and the one on the right is Wyatt, who ears stick out a little further, has a smaller bridge to his nose, and has obviously been cleaned up a bit. The Wyatt picture was the background to my flip phone for almost three years, and was long my favorite picture ever, but I can't use words like "favorite" regarding one of my children anymore, unless I tack on some lame qualifier. "Favorite son to eat that cookie," or "favorite son who's here right now," or something.

   Now we can jump forward a bit and compare little Wyatt to not-quite-as-little dad.




   Huh. I am not sure what comparisons can be drawn from this. Both are blonde-but-getting-darker, both have on a country-folk shirt on. Let's keep going. Here's my dad, Wyatt and Lincoln's Grandpa:

Apart from the fact that this person seems to have grown up in The Land Before Color, this is pretty fun. Can we keep going? There have to be more comparisons for us to look at.

Oh! I know, we can see how I've changed from Wyatt's birth to Lincoln's birth. This should be fun! At this point I am just typing to try and fill the white space that is going to come from having this photo of my dad off to the side instead of in the middle. I know, it's pretty pathetic, but at the same time you are the one sitting there, reading this pathetic text. Heck, you're reading this pathetic blog. This is a sad day for you's everywhere.

If I put a line in between the space will fill faster.


Gosh this picture is long! I need to just keep on adding this thrilling and entertaining filler text!!


And now I realize I need stuff in between to break it up. Okay, here are two pictures of me from the two boys being born:





Oh gosh I'm sorry I had no idea this would be so creepy. That grin!! It's just... it's going to stay with you for a couple of days!! Again, Lincoln on the left, Wyatt on the right. The picture on the right is from September of 2011, when I learned yet again the wearing yellow really brings out the yellow in my teeth.

Okay, one last picture for us to play with and compare:


   Yao Ming makes Shaq look like a regular person, but what's craziest of all is that Christina Aguilera is actually 6 feet tall!!



   I don't really know how this happened. I started by telling you about my new son and ended up somewhere else. Entirely. I guess that little Link has to get used to this. I am a big deal and the focus of conversation and parties and blogs tends to just gravitate towards me. I just hope that Wyatt, Lincoln, my wife, (and you) understand that the only person I am ever really making fun of is myself.

My mood: proud daddy
Wyatt's mood: growing more fond of his brother
Lincoln's mood: eat and sleep and that's all.
Cara's mood: glad to not have a person inside of her.
Listening to: Zelda soundtrack