Wednesday, November 28, 2012

He's A Climber, People!!

   Cara and I have different parenting techniques. By which I mean that I actually have parenting techniques. One of the main differences is things we'll leave on the floor. She comes home and sets everything on the floor, which doesn't bother me - until Baby Wallet gets into her wallet. I guess I don't want a baby handling cash or losing our credit cards. Me? I put everything on the table, up high where he can't get it.

   Well, that's not going to work anymore.

   This started about a week ago. I've seen him climb on these chairs before, but never when it was isolated from other objects. It always involved using another chair or a toy or something else for help. This is a new world. It's like every third week is a new world, really.

   This is also new:

   Do you see where this is going!? I used to be that I could just shut a computer and that was the end of it. Now he can open them!? When they are on top of the table!? This is a problem.

   So of course, all it took was about three days and he's here:

Monday, November 26, 2012

New Giggle!!

   People ask me all the time "How do you do it, Grant?!" They are usually referring to the pterodactyl sound I can make that sounds just like the real thing, but in some cases they want to know how I come up with such downright fascinating material. How can I consistently turn out quality blog posts on an at least bi-monthly basis, without any help from anyone else and especially not from my wife?!
   Well, it's easy when you've got stuff like this to work with:

   Now, I know his tongue kind of steals the show (how can a tongue be so cute?!), but did you hear that cackle he makes? The one right at the beginning? Go watch it again. We aren't sure where it comes from, but somewhere in the last three months he must have seen a woody woodpecker clip or something. Holy poo it's fun. Cara and I can't get enough of it, and try to get him to make the sound whenever we can.

   But here's the thing: I can't even tell if he's actually laughing half the time. I think it's just the sound he makes whenever he's thinking about, well, anything. Still, I'll take it whenever I can get it.

   Also, on a related note, Wyatt had like his six cutest minutes ever last night. If you know me, you know that I don't like using the word "ever" unless it's followed by the words "ending pasta bowl." Oh, and also if it all started with an n. But seriously, this is going to be tough for the little charmer to top:
   Cara and Wyatt and I were laying in his bed. Cara or I would take turns making the "mmmmmm" sound with our lips, and then Wyatt would lean in to kiss us on the mouth. We'd kiss and say "mwa!" like all people do when they kiss, at all times, and Wyatt would do his proud triumphant laugh. That went on for like 3 minutes. But then, instead of us making the "mmmmm" sound, Wyatt would make the "mmmmm" sound and one of us would kiss him. Then he'd do the "mwa!" and do his proud laugh. Ohmygoodness I could have died. In fact I almost did, but there was a marble involved and it's pretty unrelated so just focus on how stinkin' adorable that all must have been.
   After we'd had a good make-out session, I went to grab the camera, and of course he stopped doing it. Maybe I can get it on camera later. But at this point, it's probably better in your imagination anyways.

My mood: loved!
Wyatt's mood: loved!
Listening to: All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey (now with more jingle!!)

Sunday, November 25, 2012

What's Down There?

   I don't know why my precious little angel does this, but when I am holding him he loves to reach up my sleeves or down my collar. It's pretty odd and pretty cute.

   Almost every time I hold him, something like this happens. I wonder at what age we have to tell him to not reach down people's shirts?! I think I'll wait to kill the habit until he's like 17. He'll thank me.

My mood: exposed
Wyatt's mood: bored with the same old house.
Listening to: Train

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Name Recognition

   This is a long post. I think it's worth reading. It is much more me-centric then most of my already-me-centric posts are, so if you are just here for cute baby stuff you should skip all the annoying words and look at the pictures of Wyatt I've posted. Otherwise, thanks for listening as I get some heavy things off my chest.

This picture, like all  others in this post, really has nothing to do with
what I am actually talking about, except that it involves me.

   My dad's not great with names, although he's actually better with names now than he was when I was real young. This is important because he is a pastor and lots and lots of people know him from seeing him yell at them every Sunday. He's one of those yelling types of pastors. I distinctly remember one trip to Target he and I took when I was in middle school. There were three different occasions on this trip where a couple would walk up, say hi, and start chatting. I could tell immediately that dad didn't know their names. (I won't tell you how I knew, because then you'll know if he ever does it to you. He won't do it to you though, because you're one of his favorites. He told me that.) So, I pulled a trick I had learned recently to help him out, a trick no one taught me: I'd introduce myself to them and ask them their names, assuming we hadn't met. They'd be impressed/apologetic and say "Well hello Grant, I am [insert name] ..." and fall for my trap. Dad would then dive back in to conversation and I'd leave to look at video games or something. After that third couple walked off and we were heading to the car, he even said "Grant you are saving me tonight." He didn't buy me anything, of course.


Monday, November 19, 2012

Wyatt: Tamer of Animals

Nope, no animals here. Or anywhere in this post, practically.

   Oh man I blew it, everyone. This blog post, as fantastic as it will undoubtedly be, could have been like 30 times better.

   I am about to tell you how much Wyatt enjoys chasing animals. I will give cute anecdotes about all the millions dozens maybe nine cats in our cul-de-sac that he likes to approach, stare at, and then try to grab. He'll even walk deep into neighbors' yards in pursuit. I'll post a video of him herding geese. There will be a squirrel mention (we call the squirrel Peter Rabbit because he kind of looks like this guy named Jeff my wife once knew).
   But all of that pales in comparison to Saturday, November 10th, when Wyatt and I were going for a walk and saw a rabbit in someone's yard. A cute, 5th-grade-class-pet sort of bunny. It was happily nibbling on leaves in someone's front yard. I set Wyatt down, and he chased the rabbit in the world's most adorable little circles around the bushes. They must have done three precious laps. I, of course, did not have my camera on me. I, of course, am too cheap to spring for a smartphone and data plan. I, of course, blew it.

   We've gone back to that neighborhood 4 times in the past week. One time, we saw the bunny outside again, but it was on the other side of a fence, in someone's side yard. I was short on time, actually, otherwise I would have risked some mild trespassing for the video of a lifetime. I haven't seen the bunny since, and yesterday there was a big riding lawnmower where Dave the Rabbit used to be, so we fear the worst.

   So, yay. What fun we are having here. Look at this stupid video of geese or whatever, but know that this could have been a top ten blog post, right up there with discipline, the birthday video and this funny video. Instead we are left with more middling drivel:

   It's too bad that his triumphant primal screams at the end are so worthless due to the lack of adorable bunny action. I've really failed everyone, and I apologize. Let's just move on before we realize that I have lots of good pictures of Wyatt with his auntie's dog Scout, and call it quits. We'll try again soon.

   If you'd like to make a donation to the Get Grant A Smartphone So His Blog Won't Be A Pile Of Crap Fund, let me know.

My mood: extremely positive
Wyatt's mood: another painful tooth coming in! Oh no!
Listening to: Viva La Vida by Coldplay.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Mama's Birthday!!

Typical. I hold an entertain Wyatt while Cara has TWO computers (and that TV you can see in the reflection) to entertain her.

   As all of you who are facebook friends with her know, it was my wife's birthday last Thursday or Friday or something. You might be curious as to what I did for her special day, as I've shown my willingness to really go for it on holidays. Well, let's start with the present.
   I got Cara exactly what she got me for my birthday: an idea.
   Flash back to September 14, 2012. Yours truly just had a horribly depressing birthday. Why?! Because no one at his job cared at all, and because everyone celebrated it by doing things for his wife. But when I came home, Cara said "I thought about getting you a smartphone for your birthday, but I didn't." If you are one of my regular readers (hi Candace!), you might remember that she pulled this exact same stunt on father's day, thinking that "thinking about getting me a smartphone" counted as a present. (Really, though, she got me twice as much for my birthday compared to father's day, because she also thought about getting me a video game for my birthday. Maybe for Christmas I can get three or four ideas!)
   So yeah, Cara, I thought about getting you a tennis bracelet, whatever the heck that is, but that's as far as it got.

   So, get this! We were at Cara's grandparents house today having an early Thanksgiving, and Cara's mom - who only said hi just two seconds ago - says "did you get Cara anything for her birthday!?" No, Connie! No I didn't!! I don't care if you give me that disapproving sigh again, and I don't care that - as a birthday present - Travis once paid for one of her college visits to California back when they were dating in high school. I don't care about these things because you and she are stuck with me because we have a kid so get over it. Did you ever ask her if she got me anything for my birthday?! No, you didn't, because you are against me. I don't know why.
   Oh, okay, now you are sitting there judging me too. I can just hear it now. "Grant how could you?! She carried your child, then nutured it as a newborn, cares for it today and works and cooks and cleans. Is it really too much to ask you to spend some time thinking about she might like?!"
   Ha! I set you up for that one. I know what she likes. She likes take-out thai food and watching superhero movies from Redbox. No! No, really, she does!! She really wanted to eat Pad See Ew and watch the new Spider-man movie again. I know this is true because when I came home with these things after work she said "I just ate like an hour ago, your sister took me out, so I'm not really hungry." Fine, more for me. Then she said "Didn't we watch this last week?!" So, yeah.

My mood: aggressive
Wyatt's mood: still teething
Listening to: Just Another Manic Monday by whoever the heck that lady is she sure is annoying. I wish it was Sunday because that's my fun day. 

Monday, November 12, 2012

It Is A Treat Being Married To Me!!!!

   I know I know I know. You sit there and you think "how did she get so lucky?" How did she land a guy that takes such good care of her AND the baby? Well, we're not sure. We talk about it all the time. What?! You don't know what I am talking about!? Let me show you:  

   If you didn't catch what was going on up there, Wyatt has become a little bit shy when he's doing his dirty work. Lately I'll find him in a corner, behind a chair or something, crouching, staring and occasionally grunting. It's pretty adorable, really. So, I encourage him to walk up next to his mom, brace himself on her, and get to work. She wants that kind of bonding time with her son, and I allow it to happen frequently.
   (Also, that was a monster poop. Like, he almost pooped out a monster. I'm sure when you woke up this morning you thought "I'd like to read a thrown-together blog post centering around poop.")

   Here's what happened next:

   We've already talked about how Wyatt knows some of his boundaries and tries to push them. He's not allowed to touch the computer, so he'll drop things on it, "accidentally" fall on it, walk into it, or poke it with a stick or something. Clever boy. And don't worry, Cara loves it when I let him be free, it doesn't annoy her when she's watching something.

   So, as you can see, while Cara is watching some show on her computer, she lets her poopie son run all around causing destruction. I'm a cool customer, though, so I don't freak out. I just remind her of her motherly duty to change all diapers, clean the house, make some food and entertain the baby. I would try to help but I am busy documenting our lives.

   What do I mean by "documenting our lives," exactly? Well, I want proof that we are great parents who only want the best for our son while maintaining a safe and healthy home. Like this:

   Before you go nuts and call social services, know that the house has only been like this for like two weeks, and I'll get it all cleaned up today or tomorrow or whenever I finish Battlestar Gallactica. Today, while Cara is at work and I have a precious day off school, I plan to play with my son, blog a little, pinterest a lot, and maybe take a shower. There's definitely no time to clean anything.
   (Also, when I say "he got in the shredder," it's not like the shredder was plugged in or anything. And, even if it was, it's not like he knows how to operate it anyways. So, that's no big deal either. Also, "the shredder" is a pretty cool name that I should incorporate into my persona.)
   How did she get so lucky?!

My mood: proud to be so good at being a husband
Cara's mood: frustrated because can't finish her show.
Wyatt's mood: wants his diaper changed.
Listening to: that blow my whistle baby song. 

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Coming Clean

   Okay, everyone. I'll fess up. I've been deceiving you for a while. When I started this blog, it was really as a joke. I wanted to mock my plight at the time of suddenly being a stay-at-home dad. My pharmacist wife went back to work, I was on winter break from school for a month, and I was home. It was weird.
    For the following nine months, I worked part time at the community college, usually working two days a week. The other five I was home with the baby. And I plotted and I planned and I blogged. I realized that blogging was a great way to keep a record of the little boy's young life. And it was fun!! I would spend all day thinking of funny things and ways to make my wife mad.
    Well, I got a full time teaching job that started in September. And I am still teaching at Lane. And, um, I've started working on getting a master's degree in mathematics online. So, pretty much overnight, I got busy. Like, really busy. I'm no longer a desperate housedad like I used to be, and I wanted to keep that from you. Lock me up.
   What does this mean for you!? Wow, what a selfish question for you to ask. It really means that, for a while at least, My Kid Is Special is going to be much less satire and much more actual, honest-to-goodness  mommy bloggy. I know I know, I don't like it either. What, now you're mad!? Goodness, here I thought we were friends.
   SO!! I'll make it up to you. We had some pictures taken a couple of weeks ago. Here's some goodies. I'll even throw in some potentially-funny captions or something!!

Gosh he's just the cutest. Good thing my hideous face is well hidden.

What a perfect family we must be. I mean, look at this picture! His hand on her thigh really sells it.

The ball is a metaphor for trust. Or, wait, was it friendship? I forget. I just know that we are blurry in the background to symbolize parenting in 21st century America.

Oh, um, I didn't mean for two of these to make it into this album. But notice how well combed his hair looks.

And then compare to his halo of light in this picture.

Outfit change!!! What a happy baby.

There's something over there!!

Just in case you weren't sure what his back looks like.

My mood: ashamed
Wy's mood: cutey cute!
Listening to: Clair De Lune

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Mandatory Halloween Post!!

Wyatt's first Halloween, 2011. Sheesh, I think we've all forgotten how cute that baby was.

   We really blew it last year, and we know it. It's like, next thing we knew it was halloween and we didn't have a costume ready for Wyatt at all. We had thought about turning the baby into an adorable little crayon, but we dropped the ball. It was embarrassing and Cara was appropriately ashamed. I scrambled and we had that photo you see above, trying to be all artsy-fartsy and clever, but we weren't fooling anyone.
   Not this year. This year we came prepared. After having all the fun and set-up of Wyatt's Zelda themed-birthday party, just getting a bit of a costume to parade about town was as easy as a college girl dressed as a "bunny."

   In sticking with our general Wyatt looks like any blond character philosophy, we decided to dress him up as Calvin. We tracked down an appropriate enough hobbes, a red wagon, and pulled our transmogrifier out of the attic (cause we hadn't used it in years). I think it was a success!

   So what'd we do next!? Go visit people and show them how clever we were!!

   We saw grandpa:

   Grandma came out and played too. We went for a walk down to Joel and Nikki's house to meet their new baby girl, (who is doomed to have a crush on Wyatt forever), saw auntie Ashley and a few other friends too! Wyatt loved playing in his wagon and squeezing his tiger, and people could not stop commenting on how good I looked in my costume. ("what, this old thing?!" was my well rehearsed reply whenever someone said "you look like a movie star" or something similar).

   How can we top these wonderful birthday parties and costumes!? I really don't think we can. I think we've peaked. It's a shame, but it's good to know when to walk away. So next year, we'll dress wyatt up as a "cowboy" by purchasing a stupid, cheap costume at Toys R Us, and that'll be that. 

My mood: tired
Wyatt's mood: tire
Listening to: Everybody Talks by the Neon Trees