Thursday, December 29, 2011


     Those of you that know me know that I am super crafty. In fact, you're often offering to buy things from me at reasonable prices that I just sort of throw together. Well, now's your chance to fulfill that dream!! I figure I am home so much, supporting my family from the couch, that I might as well put my talents to work.

     I'd like to introduce you to Kute Krafts!! I wrote those words with K's because K's are so crazy krazy and unexpected!!

     The first craft is one very near and dear to my heart. When my siblings and I were born, we had Christmas ornaments made that were sleds. They had our name and the year written on them too. It was our favorite ornament to put on the tree every year. I thought I should make my son one as well.

     As with all manly, woodworking projects, it's best to start with a detailed plan, and to stay focused:

The original plan

      Then it's time to head to the hardware store and grab the necessary, manly materials.

Remember, power tools aren't toys, and should be taken seriously.

Popsicle sticks
table saw
colored pencils/markers
gas mask
box cutter
chainsaw (not pictured)

     I begin to assemble the top of the sled.

Calculus book and mouse are not required

And I make the rails of the sled, which is super hard. Let the glue set, make sure it looks good, and now for the stressful part. Painting. I find paint terrifying. You make one mistake, let one drop fall, and something is a different color forever. So here's my trick (and I don't know why more people don't do this): just dip the whole thing in the paint! It saves on cleaning brushes, makes sure you get every little edge and corner, and is kind of fun!
You'll notice the baby is being well observed and cared for in the mean time.
Aaaaand now I see why people don't do that. It's a mess to clean, and to get to dry in the right way, the whole thing is think and feels like a big glob of paint, and you can see my thumbprint on the bottom of it (I'll pretend like that was my signature years later). Ugh.

Not a missed edge - all painted in under four seconds!

Finally, I need to write the inscription on the top. Something like "Wyatt 2011" and "Baby's 1st Christmas" or "Wy loves daddy more than mommy." What do people use to write these things? I seriously have no idea. Glitter? Frosting? I figured I'd use glue and just let it harden. I also wanted to put little dots at all the corners of the letters like people always do.

Attempting to write with glue

All finished! What a cute little sled. If you are wondering why I chose the color I did, that blue is the same color as the baby's nursery. Isn't that adorable! I am so clever and cute!

Of course, when the wife comes home from work all she notices is that the baby is crying by himself, he's hungry, the house is a mess and I am still in my underwear, but come on! I spent 11 hours making a beautiful piece of art that will one day support our family financially. Back off!

If you'd like your own Christmas sled, just send me a note to let me know. They are $95 plus parts, and shipping isn't included. Make your checks out to Kute Krafts!!!

Wyatt's Mood: calm
My Mood: cabin fever!!
Listening to: James Taylor

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

A Baby Really Ruins Your Figure!!

     Ohmygosh!!! Having a baby and staying fit is hard!! I know this isn't exactly new information, but come on!! I don't think it helps that my baby was born in late September, so it went Boom! baby, then Boom! Halloween, then Bang! Thanksgiving, then Pow! Winter Break, then Bang! Christmas, followed by Thwack! New Years and Ka-Blam! Valentine's Day, but I am getting ahead of myself.

I used to look like this:

My long lost prime

Now, I know that's not a picture that's going to start any internet riots or anything, I mean I'm not a movie star (though I've never really tried), but it's not bad. Notice how my shirt doesn't hit any belly, but just falls freely. See how I only have one chin. Look at how cool I look carrying a gun and wearing well-fitting jeans! Mmmhmm.

This was taken recently (by the paparazzi):

My here-to-stay present self

How many chins do you count? Look at that hair!! It's embarrassing the way it grabs those ears. I definitely didn't even bother to put on makeup either.I think the pockets of those shorts are holding marbles or something, that shirt is absurdly stretched (and not in a sexy way, look at its collar!), and its clearly grabbing my still-have-a-baby-bump belly, which is noticeable from the side. I need some sleep and I need some vegetables. I guess I need to continue my exercises too...

Still, I don't need the ol' spouse coming home, laughing and saying "doesn't daddy look handsome?!" Like I have time to cook, clean, raise a child, play video games, watch Firefly, facebook and look good for you at the end of the day. Puhlease.

My mood: sadface
Baby's mood: "I want to lay on my belly!!"
Listening to: Two Door Cinema Club

Friday, December 23, 2011

A Stroll Through the Mall

     Traeden, my wife and I went to the mall to get some final Christmas shopping done. Trae had been once or twice before, and he loves all of the lights, sounds, smells and colors!! He could just stare over my shoulder for hours. It's so fun having people walk by and point out the baby, talk about how cute he is, and here little kids point and say "baby" in their still-learning-to-speak voices. What a great affirmation of the quality of my genes!!
He just fell in love with this cozy, comfy bed at Macy's (and gave daddy a chance to rest his tired, but strong, arms):

   It looks like he has expensive tastes. Luckily, the bed was on sale!

Hopefully nobody thought I had a baby for sale! How awful! And we would never mark his price down.

Seriously though, selling children, or any people, is bad unless they agree to it.

Baby's mood: trying to fart and can't
My mood: trying to fart and can
Listening to: Pandora - Colbie Callait

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Answering The Door

     There's a moment that I experienced today that I am sure the rest of you housewives out there can relate to. That moment of fear when your doorbell rings, and you just aren't ready to answer it. Maybe you've been breast feeding (The worst! And it never works! Amiright?), maybe you're covered in baby goop after a quick change.
     It's 10:30 am, Cara is at work, and I am feeding Wyatt Traeden from the bottle. The doorbell rings, and I remember my friend "Jim" "Whipple" from church is coming over to drop something off. My heart sinks: Jim is an elder member of my church. I go to the door:
     I open the door a crack. "Hey Jim! I hope it's not too rude that I don't open the door all the way and let you in."
     Jim: Oh, no, but I'm not afraid of anything you've got going on in there.
     Me: Well... um... ever seen a man feeding a baby in his underwear?
     Jim: You know, last night I saw [name withheld] not wearing any clothes at all.
            Really, where did you see [him] naked? Bible study?
            No, not this time. It was at the DAC.
      I've let Jim in the house at this point, as he watches me feed my baby in my underwear he looks me up and down and grunts a subtle approval, and we finish our conversation.

     I don't know what's sadder: that I knew a friend was coming over in the morning and still had to greet him in my underwear, or the fact that if he had come at 3:00 in the afternoon there's a good chance the exact same thing would have happened.

     "Jim" dropped of a present that had some fun stuffing in it, so guess what happened!!!:

Traeden grew an afro!! And licked his jacket apparently too!!
Traeden's Mood: Itchy
My mood: Embarassed (awkward face emoticon)
Listening to: Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas

Friday, December 16, 2011

Fixing Things

     I do my job. I thaw and heat the milk. I feed Traeden the milk (remember, traeden = wyatt for wyatt's safety). I burp him. I put him to bed. I ignore him when he's crying like I am supposed to. I make a good dinner and try to keep the house clean.
     Why on earth does it take that bum spouse of mine a week to fix the toilet?! Sure, she's been at work all week, but doesn't she know how annoying it is that I have to manually turn on and off the water every time I want it to flush (which is pretty much every time I use it)!? I do my part as the housewife, why can't she just fix things that are broken? And would it kill her to notice that I shaved today?

     Traeden just loves the show Battlestar Gallactica. We're already pretty sure he's going to grow up to be a forensic anthropologist or FBI agent, due to the fact that he's seen roughly 70 hours of Bones in the last month, but he just gets the biggest, most thoughtful blank stare on his face when the drums start beating on Battlestar. That's why I hold him as close to the TV as possible. I'm sure he's contemplating his own existence, just as those poor, barely surviving souls try to find the purpose in their own existence. In fact, he seems to love Battlestar Gallactica, Burn Notice, Psych, White Collar, the British version of The Office, Phineas and Ferb, 30 Rock, Arrested, and pretty much everything that I like!! I bet he always likes everything that I like! Forever! What fun we are going to have.

Traeden's mood: quizzical
My mood: stir crazy
Listening to: Enya

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Guys and Their Trucks

(side note before we begin: to protect Wyatt's identity, I will from here on out refer to him as "Traeden," which was a strong consideration for a name anyways. So remember, Wyatt = "Traeden" in this blog. I will also start grabbing pictures of other babies off the internet  unless he is just too cute to hide. Want to keep that boy safe!!)

     As Wyatt and I went for another stroll today (our seventh in 3 days! what a treat!) we walked by a lot of guys in trucks. Some were leaving or returning home, some were doing work on a job site, and some were probably just driving around. I am certain that as these men saw me and my super - nice stroller, they could only imagine the minivan I must have at home and were crazy jealous!!! They are thinking "man that guy has it good, just walking his baby around and he probably has a dvd player in his car too!!"
     They must feel like suckers! I don't have a minivan! Yet. But the wife sure wants one. Can't wait for that.

     You know when you are tired, or mimicking a horse, and you blow out your mouth and make that ppbfbfbfbfbfbfbfppt sound like a horse? Well today (you're not going to believe this), after I had fed "Traeden" and was burping him, he put his lips on my neck and made that same sound!! Right on my neck! It sure felt weird (and then it felt real warm because he spit up a little).
     When I burp Wyatt and he starts to fall asleep, he'll put his arms around my neck like he's hugging me. How precious. And his hair is starting to get real even and soft! Here's a picture. (of... "Traeden").

Traeden's mood: fussy
My mood: So much to get done-y!
Listening to: Enya

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Four Straight Hours of Sleep!!

     I don't know what I did right yesterday, or last night, but for some reason the little baby slept for over four hours!! Four! I guess Santa came early to my house last night (and we don't even have a chimney! How does he do that?!). What a gift.
     The question now is: what do I do with all of this energy?! Cleaning the house again just seems like a waste. I need to harness this for something special. I think I'll paint the bedroom again. If you've been following my blog, you'll know that I paint my bedroom almost every two weeks. I just find the change of color to be sanity restoring. Ha! Maybe we'll try for a lavender/blue steel sort of thing. Can't wait! Pictures soon!

Wyatt's Mood: pensive
Listening to: The Backstreet Boys

Monday, December 12, 2011

Keeping Fit

     It's tough to take care of a baby and keep your figure. Everyone knows this. And we want our spouses to still love the way we look!! So I'm working hard at staying active while taking care of precious little wyatt. That can take a lot of different forms:

 - You can always go for a stroll (walking or joggin)

 - The Wii has a bunch of great exercise games! You just need to right equipment. My kangaroo pouch does just the job, to let me play Wii Fit or Just Dance 2 (Just Dance Forever!) while baby sleeps! (Nintendo sells one of these just for mommies and babies, for only $95! I love it!)
Me doing some yoga on Wii Fit. Wyatt sleeping like the baby that he is!

Now we're playing Just Dance, and I almost got a perfect score!

Just Dance from the front. Workin' it!!
These are the moves I am trying to copy from the screen. You should try it sometime! It's super fun.

     Of course there are lots of other options. Get out there and try them!!!

Wyatt's Mood: sleepy
My mood: sweaty!!

A Quick Stroll

    Today Wyatt and I went for a little walk through the neighborhood. The sun was out, the leaves had all fallen, he loved it!! I think Wyatt is going to be a real outdoorsman because he gets so calm and relaxed when he goes outside. As we were walking he would just stare, all the time. He's a great starer, probably better than any other babies we know.
     Everybody that walked by and drove by was probably like "What a cute baby must be in that stroller!" and "What a great daddy, taking him for a walk today!" I know, I know. Now he's napping after a rough photo shoot, and here's hoping we sleep as good tonight as we did last night!! Over four straight hours!!

Wyatt's Mood: thoughtful
My Mood: hopeful