Tuesday, July 10, 2012


   Wyatt is very advanced for his age. There's pretty much nothing your baby can do that mine can't. More than just motor skills, however, he is smart. I mean, really, really smart.
   The best evidence of this is the simple fact that he refuses to hold his own bottle. He can do it. I have a picture of him doing it when he's like 2 months old. Sure, in that picture I pretty much propped the bottle in his slowly-moving-at-the-time hands, but still. So, why won't he do it now? No, it's not because he can't (remember: he can do everything and more that your kid can so just drop it), it's because he's smart.

   Think about it. If you had the world convinced that you couldn't clean toilets, would you ever give up the ruse?! No! Because you don't want to clean toilets! Wyatt would rather lay there all relaxed, like he's the king, and be served food straight to his mouth. Sometimes he turns his head to the side just a little, as if to say "I'd rather drink milk at this angle," or "let's just make sure you are paying attention." It's as if he knows as soon as he pulls that nipple to his mouth, his survival is now much more in his hands.
   The kid is smart. I can't stress enough: he's smarter than your kid, no matter how old he or she is. I know that he can hold things towards his face. Here he is holding a sippy cup to his lips. He doesn't really get any juice out of it (he doesn't get the bottom of the cup elevated), but we know that these motor skills are in fine working order.

   Well guess what kid. I'm pretty smart too. Way smarter than all of my friends' kids. I've taken some steps of my own:

   That's right, I rigged a home feeding system that has an 87% chance of not choking your baby.

   It's not perfect, but few prototypes are. It kind of hangs and swings a bit too much, so sometimes it falls out of his mouth. And if he isn't actively drinking from it, it'll drip all over him. And sometimes it loses its tilt and doesn't really offer much milk. But what do I care?! I've fed the baby and that's my job. I'll do a home installation for $200 not including materials or gas.

My mood: accomplished
Wyatt's mood: lethargic
Listening to: Call Me Maybe on repeat

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