Big Boy Backfire!!

   When Wyatt turned three a couple weeks ago, he had a proclamation to make: He had entered the world of the big boys.

   "Wy three, Wy not two-half. Wy not little boy, Wy big boy." It was easily the longest story he had ever told with words. (You should have seen the story he told with his hands when his star balloon floated away. Tragic.) It was the closest thing he's come to a full sentence since that time he said "Why doesn't dad pay any attention to me when he's playing Nintendo, mom? It hurts my feelings." (Kidding!! He never said any of that stuff!! It was more like whine whine fuss fuss "dad pay me pease?" So there's no scarring of any sort going on in this home!)

   Well, I've been holding the "big boy" card over his head for a long time now. You see, his favorite people in the world are a pirate named Jake, a certain fire-truck driver named John (who he just calls "J" now, because they are on a nick-name level of friendship), and the four boys who live across the street. These boys are aged 5 - 13 or something, and I've talked about them before, so stop making me repeat myself over and over.

   Wyatt wants to play with them all the time, but when they are playing a real game of basketball or soccer or "throw the littlest one in a trash can," I tell him. "No, Wy, that's for big boys."

   Big boys. All he wants to be in the world is a big boy. So when he turned three, he was ready.

Big boys sleep with the sharks.

   But do you know what else big boys do? Poop in the potty. Eat their whole dinner. Go to bed without fussing. Grade daddy's papers. Pick up their toys. Make dinner. The list goes on and on.

   This worked for a while. Sure, he never once pooped in the potty for this reason, and he has no idea how to grade anything, let me tell you, but he went to bed well and put on his clothes and ate all his food and even made a decent roast.

   But now?! Oh no. The magic is gone. I asked him to take a bath, like a big boy, and he said "Wy not big boy, Wy little boy." It was horrible, Then, later we were at a two-year-old's birthday party, and everyone kept saying how the little punk was a Big Boy now, and Wyatt was kind of in shock. His eyes were all like "Wait, what, THAT'S a big boy? I was a big boy when I was two?! You've been lying to me this whole time. I still like you better than mommy, but this hurts." Shut up, eyes!!

   I had to do something. So you can imagine how awkward it was when I screamed "No! Jason is not a big boy! He's only two!! How can a two year old be a big boy!?" Jason wasn't really getting it, so I had to get down on his level and say into his face YOU. ARE. NOT. A. BIG. BOY. Then I turned and winked at Wyatt, grabbed some pizza, and left.

   Saved the day there.

Big boys take artsy photos. Wyatt grabbed his baby cow, put it on the couch, grabbed mom's phone, logged in with the password, opened up the camera app, took this picture. Big boy stuff. Cara still can't manage to get her thumb out of her iPhone pictures.

   Wyatt gets that the definition of "big boy" is very fluid. He's starting to use it to his advantage. He's very smart, which is a direct result of me sleeping with my head really close to his on most nights. It's going to be a problem, how smart he is. Because, if you haven't noticed, he's also really cute. So he gets pretty much whatever he wants, whenever he wants it. And he's also kind of spoiled by absolutely everyone who comes in contact with him. And he's just the best little thing in the whole world, so I guess there's no way this could turn bad.

See!! I wasn't kidding!!

   What do I tell him next year? That he's a super big boy? That he's a huge boy?! How many superlatives can I tack on to the front of the word "boy" to keep him maturing and growing as a person over the next 15 years?! This is going to be hard. Crazy, enormously, gargantuanly, insanely, immensely hard. Okay, maybe not that hard.

My mood: hoping I didn't ruin a pretty good friendship with Jason's parents. Or Jason.
Wyatt's mood: not wanting to poop like a big boy
Cara's feeling: bigger and pregnanter.
Listening to: Future Islands

Three!!

THIS. CUPCAKE. IS GETTING. MASSACRED.

   My special little kid just turned three years old, everyone!! This is huge news and will have a great impact on your day because of the importance that my child holds in the world!! I can already imagine how you are planning on incorporating this information into your plans for the near future!!

   You've seen how we really did up his first birthday, as well as the absolutely wonderful video that came with it. Then, last year we pretty much just gave him a doughnut (but it still produced a funny video). This year, since Wyatt is probably the most important kid who has a name that isn't a color or a plant or something, he's really had a birthweek instead of a birthday. Celebrations started on Friday with Cara's family (including the special little cousins).

Here's cousin Elsie with her pretty earrings, all ready to move in on Wyatt's present. It looks like ... is he getting a cuisinart?

   Festivities continued into Saturday, where my great friend and True American John took Wyatt and the cousins for a ride on his fire truck out at Camp Harlow.

Yes. Wyatt got to sit in John's lap and drive the firetruck, making Grant the best dad in the world and John the new favorite person in Wyatt's world. Yes, John kind of looks like Grant when they are both wearing the exact same shirt, but John is in his 30's so they are in super different stages of life.

Absolutely perfect.

   We were all set to go swimming at Amazon Pool. We'd fed the kids, changed them, and psyched them up for the slide, fountains and splashes at the pool. When we got there, however, it was closed because a pipe had burst. I really think this is code for "all the lifeguards were hungover," which is unsettling because they are like 16, but whatever. We were super depressed. Birthday ruined, right?! Wrong!! All-Around Hero and True American Grant said "Let's just go to the wave pool at Splash!" and the day was saved.

Wyatt's favorite thing at the pool is of course his dad. This is no surprise, because dad's the best. But his ACTUAL favorite thing is the slide. The whole way down, he laughs, smiles, says "oh whee fun" and then says "again?" before we even hit the water. It's such a blast.

   Wyatt was loving all the fun, attention, and presents, and a huge grin on all day. Cara and I gave him some little flashlights and a couple of cars. Whenever he gets a new car he says "Oh poop car!" because we give him cars when he goes poop, which is like twice a month. No, seriously.

   A few days later, we celebrated with my family.

Wyatt, Papa G, Ash and Kirk Beast. Wyatt's playing with the elevator that Ash and KB gave him

Wyatt, KB, Mama, Some Girl Who's Not Sure Why She's There, and Grmma. Uncle Bear was there too, but was offscreen playing with the lego set he gave to himself Wyatt.

   We're all sure blessed to have such great family around Wyatt. Wyatt's also blessed to have his birthday last for like six years. Wyatt and Mama get birthweeks instead of birthdays, and Dad gets a great birthhour.

   I will say, time hasn't "flown" over the last three years, and I don't think he's "grown up so fast," but already I can see that he's going to start really getting older fast. He's talking more, starting to fake read, like's to act things out in his imagination, and is learning new things all the time. He repeats whatever he hears and loves big kids. I think time is going to start flying now, so I'm going to try to hold on.

   I am sad that he's three, because things are free for kids that are under three at a lot of places. I wanted him to always say "twohalf" whenever he was asked his age. But alas, yesterday after successfully pooping in the toilet, he said "Dad! Two cars!! Two poop cars!! Wy not little boy, Wy big boy. Wy not twohalf Wy three." He then said "Hulk smash!" over and over.

   At least he's not yet too old to cuddle with his mama. He will be someday. I hope. Oh gosh what if he's always cuddling with his mama!?

My mood: happy and proud.
Wyatt's mood: will think it's his birthday every day, I fear.
Cara's feeling: like the little one in the belly is kicking too much and needs to nap more.

Happy Second Birthday Wyatt!!!!

Wyatt turned two!! So we gave him a doughnut. 

I dare you to find a cuter kid. Seriously. If you find one, send me a link and I'll be the impartial judge. Go ahead!

My mood: happy!!

Wy's mood: spoiled!!

Favorite Toy!!

   Oh man. You've heard about the big party. What you didn't know was, before the party, we simultaneously made Wyatt very very happy and very very sad. I'll show you what I mean.

   We headed to Fletcher's to buy a baby shower present for a friend (Fletcher's is the local baby store in town). While there, Wyatt was fairly interested in all the toys and clothes and everything, but when he got his hands on this thing, there was no turning back:

   In fact, when we tried to turn back, this happened:

   It's only like a three second video, but it happened over and over and over. He cried on our way out of the store. He cried the whole drive home. He cried at home, then found his fire truck and tried to make due:

   Sure, it looks like it could work, but we ended up wit this, just a few moments later.

   We weren't sure what to do. It was obvious he really enjoyed the wooden lawnmower thing, and wanted more time with it. We weren't sure if we should get it for him, as it wasn't cheap and we don't really want to spoil the kid after all. The last thing you want is a kid who gets whatever he wants when he cries. That's why sometimes I don't even feed him or change his diapers. STOP CRYING FIRST!!
 
   As you saw from the party, though, he got lots of presents. Two of those presents were just like his lawnmower!! In fact, one of them was a lawnmower!!

   Okay, no more videos. Thanks for putting up with all that. If you look in the background, you can also see a walking popper as well. The lawnmower was from Cara's grandma (Wy's Great-grandmother), and the popcorn popper was from my mom and dad (Wy's grandma and grandpa). Wy loves them both dearly and plays with them all the time. It's fun for me to mow the lawn while he's on the deck mowing the lawn. Thanks everyone!!

   Sometimes people think that having toys that make a lot of noise are going to be really annoying. I'm sure at some point they will be, but right now, I would much rather have a happy baby playing with a toy that clicks a lot, than have a baby who is fussy and wants my attention. Leave me alone! Also, it's great being able to hear where he is in the house, so that I can feel like I am watching him while I am watching 30 Rock reruns.

My mood: Go ducks!

Wyatt's mood: new toys!!

Listening to: Neon Trees

Wyatt's First Birthday Party!! Wahoo!!

   What a great day!! Cara and I wanted to throw a fun little party for Wyatt's first birthday. By now you've probably seen the infamous moment that came out of the party, but there's still more great stuff!! We chose the theme "The Legend of Zelda." Now, people seem to question using the word "we" in that last line. I can honestly say she was the one that pitched it, and I was the one that ran with it. Since you probably don't know, and jokes are funniest when they have to be explained to everyone at the party, "Link" is the main character, the one pictured above (image found at zeldapedia, which is of course a real website). Link is trying to save Princess Zelda. 

   Cara had a lot of fun making his little tunic and his cute little hat. We even toyed with the idea of giving him little elf ears, but, really, he already has them (you're welcome, Wyatt!!) But, did you know that there are lots of things about The Legend of Zelda that translate really well to a birthday party!? Of course you didn't! You've never played the game, just like how none of the people that were actually at the party had played the game, save for my brother!! So, I'll explain everything in excruciatingly precise, embarrassing detail like I did to them, and you'll love it!

The Birthday Video

   Okay people!! The big day has come and gone, and little Wyatt is firmly entrenched in his second year of life. There's lots to share that I know you're just dying to see because my life is so dang exciting and rewarding. I mean, what else do you have to do besides read all about a one-year-old's video-game-themed birthday party?! Nothing! That's what I thought. (For what it's worth, I clearly have even less to do since I can plan the party and then blog it).

   But before we get to the good stuff, let's start with the great stuff. Meaning this video. This video is pretty great.

   I have a feeling this one's going down as family lore, to be laughed about forever - and replayed forever. Watch it again and see if you can pinpoint the exact moment that I was most frustrated with my wife...  it's tough to do but give it a shot.

   For what it's worth, the whole time I was thinking "well, I guess we'll blow out the candle for him, and she seems pretty careful not to put it too close." But then she scooted it closer. And then she took out his bink and the candle was still burning. Did she think that he'd know to blow it out?! We never really let him interact with fire, just to be clear.

   I am just so glad it happened, because Wyatt isn't burned and I can end any argument with "at least I didn't give a baby any sort of flame ever." Until I do something stupider, like encourage him to try to walk along the fence...

   We're good parents, okay!!

My mood: exhausted but happy
Wyatt's mood: stuff everywhere! (and no, he's not burned!!)
Listening to: ... um ... still zelda music, actually.