Uncle Bear is Engaged AKA We Have A New Babysitter!!

Wyatt and Uncle Garrett. Wy calls him "Unk Bear," and here they are hunting Christmas Trees

   Well, America, we've been adding family members left and right and upside-down over here. First, Auntie Ashley got married to Kirk, which lead to the cutest set of pictures in the history of Western Civilization. Then our precious little Lincoln was born, which lead to the greatest picture ever taken in the history of instagram (scroll down a few). And now, my brother, Uncle Garrett is engaged!! To an actual girl this time!!

   We haven't talked about Garrett much over here at My Kid Is Special, because, well, he's never really done anything before. My fiancee-in-law is named Faith, and she is sure excited to watch my kids whenever I want, all the time, for free!! Here is a really, really good picture of her that proves she's real.

She's the girl on the left. Not the one holding her hair. The one in the black-and-white striped, old-timey prison uniform. No, not that one, the other one. The one who is looking at me like "When is the earliest I can kill you?!" She's super great, though.

   We like Faith because she's not afraid to scare the living coconuts out of small children.

This was Faith's rendition of "M is for Monster" and also sweet dreams Wyatt!!

   Seriously, that's messed up. You can see that Cara tried to add some pink and some hearts and rainbows and MyLittlePonies and stuff to make the whole "M-Is-For-Monster" thing a little less terrifying, but it wasn't too effective. And, it's not like we can take it down, that was Faith's first piece of art!! It belongs on the wall of letters!!

   Here's a picture Wyatt took himself, so we at least we can safely assume that it's not seeping into his pysche or anything and OHMYGOSHTHAT'STERRIFYING

Why would you even go with "M is for Monster" in the first place?!

   It comes as a part of our wall of the alphabet. When Wyatt walks by, we'll often ask him to name each letter. Look!!

   As our more astute readers have noticed, the letter "E" doesn't belong on the wall of letters. We were Entertaining some Energetic Elementary-aged kids and "E" was Eviscerated, so for now Wyatt reads "A, B, C, D, there should be an E here, F, G ..." only he doesn't actually do the part with the E. We don't think he is going to be too screwed up by this.

   Yes, you read that correctly. My ThrEE year old can say the letters up through N, gets read to almost every month, and likes to color and play with Play-Dough that we make ourselves. He likes to help make coffee, can't sing ANY songs, and only eats chocolate and cookies for food. It's pretty clear who the world's greatest parents are. In case it's not clear, it's me and also sometimes Cara.

   That isn't even all of the family art up in the house!! The big thing in the middle was done by yours truly. No, not truly. It was done by Cara, which is weird because it is so geometric which makes you think it's be done by me. The two on the right are some of Wyatt's adventures in water-painting (there are two more on the left, but I couldn't get them all in one shot without having horrible glare. And not in the cool Michael Bay ways).

Art on the walls by Cara and Wyatt. But don't feel bad for me, I have some art that is prominently on display in the trash can. If I were to be honest, that's where it belongs.

  Also here's a picture of our other special kid while sleeping.

Good skin day for Lincoln.

My mood: proud of my brother and a little concerned for his fiancee!!
Wyatt's mood: not wanting to eat anything
Lincoln's mood: wanting to only eat everything all the time
Cara's appetite: making lots of great food for us to eat and also lots of chicken nuggets and fries!!
Listening to: James Taylor

Three!!

THIS. CUPCAKE. IS GETTING. MASSACRED.

   My special little kid just turned three years old, everyone!! This is huge news and will have a great impact on your day because of the importance that my child holds in the world!! I can already imagine how you are planning on incorporating this information into your plans for the near future!!

   You've seen how we really did up his first birthday, as well as the absolutely wonderful video that came with it. Then, last year we pretty much just gave him a doughnut (but it still produced a funny video). This year, since Wyatt is probably the most important kid who has a name that isn't a color or a plant or something, he's really had a birthweek instead of a birthday. Celebrations started on Friday with Cara's family (including the special little cousins).

Here's cousin Elsie with her pretty earrings, all ready to move in on Wyatt's present. It looks like ... is he getting a cuisinart?

   Festivities continued into Saturday, where my great friend and True American John took Wyatt and the cousins for a ride on his fire truck out at Camp Harlow.

Yes. Wyatt got to sit in John's lap and drive the firetruck, making Grant the best dad in the world and John the new favorite person in Wyatt's world. Yes, John kind of looks like Grant when they are both wearing the exact same shirt, but John is in his 30's so they are in super different stages of life.

Absolutely perfect.

   We were all set to go swimming at Amazon Pool. We'd fed the kids, changed them, and psyched them up for the slide, fountains and splashes at the pool. When we got there, however, it was closed because a pipe had burst. I really think this is code for "all the lifeguards were hungover," which is unsettling because they are like 16, but whatever. We were super depressed. Birthday ruined, right?! Wrong!! All-Around Hero and True American Grant said "Let's just go to the wave pool at Splash!" and the day was saved.

Wyatt's favorite thing at the pool is of course his dad. This is no surprise, because dad's the best. But his ACTUAL favorite thing is the slide. The whole way down, he laughs, smiles, says "oh whee fun" and then says "again?" before we even hit the water. It's such a blast.

   Wyatt was loving all the fun, attention, and presents, and a huge grin on all day. Cara and I gave him some little flashlights and a couple of cars. Whenever he gets a new car he says "Oh poop car!" because we give him cars when he goes poop, which is like twice a month. No, seriously.

   A few days later, we celebrated with my family.

Wyatt, Papa G, Ash and Kirk Beast. Wyatt's playing with the elevator that Ash and KB gave him

Wyatt, KB, Mama, Some Girl Who's Not Sure Why She's There, and Grmma. Uncle Bear was there too, but was offscreen playing with the lego set he gave to himself Wyatt.

   We're all sure blessed to have such great family around Wyatt. Wyatt's also blessed to have his birthday last for like six years. Wyatt and Mama get birthweeks instead of birthdays, and Dad gets a great birthhour.

   I will say, time hasn't "flown" over the last three years, and I don't think he's "grown up so fast," but already I can see that he's going to start really getting older fast. He's talking more, starting to fake read, like's to act things out in his imagination, and is learning new things all the time. He repeats whatever he hears and loves big kids. I think time is going to start flying now, so I'm going to try to hold on.

   I am sad that he's three, because things are free for kids that are under three at a lot of places. I wanted him to always say "twohalf" whenever he was asked his age. But alas, yesterday after successfully pooping in the toilet, he said "Dad! Two cars!! Two poop cars!! Wy not little boy, Wy big boy. Wy not twohalf Wy three." He then said "Hulk smash!" over and over.

   At least he's not yet too old to cuddle with his mama. He will be someday. I hope. Oh gosh what if he's always cuddling with his mama!?

My mood: happy and proud.
Wyatt's mood: will think it's his birthday every day, I fear.
Cara's feeling: like the little one in the belly is kicking too much and needs to nap more.

Wanted: Brother Husband

   I've had the best idea!! This is totally my second best idea ever, trailing only a reality show about people who live in a Costco, and WAY better than my idea to make a shirt with zip-off sleeves. Brother Husbands, people. Brother Husbands.

   Here's how it works. Have you seen the show Sister Wives? Neither have I. But I know how it works. There's a bunch of sisters and they all decide to marry the same guy. I think they have some sort of a competition where they vote people off and the winning dude is given the Bonnet of Wives or something. Then this guy has like 5 wives and three houses and holy crap it sounds awful. Then they go to jail? Is that part of the deal? Like I said, I haven't seen the show. I don't know why anyone would do this though. It's like "Hey I want to get nagged more and then thrown in prison!" Amiright?

Is... is he pregnant? Do the males give birth in this scenario? Like seahorses?

   But!! Let's take this idea and spin it around, put it on its head and kick it in the teeth. Brother Husbands.

   Here's the deal: Cara and I (and even Wyatt at this point) agree that Cara is just too high maintenance. I, as one man, can't take care of her, make her happy, take care of the boy, clean and maintain the house, go to work, and keep chasing my dream of being a Pokemon Card Champion. I want to be the very best, like no one ever was. It's just too much! We need a brother husband.

This guy is not Brother Husband material.

   This doesn't have to be my brother. I cannot stress this point enough. This is one of the big differences between Sister Wives and Brother Husbands. In our case, the brother husband will have the following responsibilities: Work and make money, clean the house, maintain the house, take care of the cars, pay the bills, check and sort the mail, and NOTHING ELSE. I cannot stress that last point enough. I, as the head of the Brother Husband household, will be in charge of eating, vacations, leisure, making Cara happy, playing with Wyatt, and naps. Oh, the brother husband might also be Vice-President of Diapers.

   So! Applications for brother husbands are now being accepted. We are looking for someone a) rich, b) quiet, c) handy, d) ugly.

My mood: Proud of my idea and wondering if anyone has a holographic Charizard
Wyatt's mood: excited for another daddy!
Listening to: Dave Matthews

Best Christmas Present Ever!!

   Okay, ladies and gentlemen. I am going to clue you in on how to make the best birthday present for a baby imaginable. I mean, it's crazy good. Apparently, bettering your lives through explanations of things you should already know how to do is my thing these days. Just like before, you only need to follow the easy steps I lay out in front of you and instant status as "favorite ________" will be earned (You can fill in the blank with "uncle" or "cousin" or "stalker" or whatever).

Fair warning: If you are facebook friends with my mom, then you will have seen all this stuff like five times already. If you are not facebook friends with my mom, then you are missing out on having your grammar corrected on your status updates, and at least one message per week saying something like "You can't make fun of boys named Benedict I have a cousin in Des Moines whose son's name is Benedict and she won't like it." It's ironic because her grammar is bad in those messages, I know.

1)   Have some really nice photos taken by someone who takes really nice photos (in our case it was Kaela Mae). Like this:

I honestly just picked one at random from the CD our photographer gave us. So, yeah.

2)   Put those photos on facebook for anyone and everyone to see, copy, steal, use, and fawn over.

3)   Have an extremely artistic and clever sister in your family.

4)   Have that sister do this:

That's right, she got Wyatt a book for Christmas. A book that she made.

Christmas #2!!

   Oh gosh is there anything cuter than a matching dad and baby?! I wish we had a tie for the little guy, but I feel like that's probably illegal or dangerous or something. Know that we were both wearing cords and brown shoes, so we were the definition of "precious."
   Also, know that Cara looked pretty too but wasn't really matching the rest of us boys, and know that my nose looks very pointy and my arms very pale.

   Christmas!! The boy is still a bit too young to really know that Christmas means presents, despite getting lots of them this year, but we did take the time to tell him the story of Jesus today. Cara did the talking:
   Jesus was born in a manger and there were sheep and poop everywhere, and then he was left at the temple but that was okay and then he got some disciples and made some bread.
   Way to go, mom!!

   We went to church on Christmas Eve, and Cara and I helped watch all the toddlers and babies. Don't get the impression that we are wonderful people, please, because we just wanted to get out of sitting through the service in "big church." I learned something shocking while in the nursery:

   Wyatt's a bully.

   It's true!! He walks up to kids and takes their toys, he demands to be held by Cara or I when we are holding or playing with anyone else, and I think I saw him take protection money from Autumn as well. How did this happen!! It's society's fault. It must be, because Cara and I and mostly me are doing everything we can to raise a good kid! It's all those bad tv shows and music that he's exposed to. We need to take it all down!! It's the only solution!! Stop exposing my kid to these things that I have no control over!!

   But on Christmas morning, while opening presents, Wyatt had a lot of fun with his brand new baby Ipad!!:

   That positive reinforcement we've been trying has really paid off. He expects applause whenever he does the littlest thing!! This can only be a good thing as he gets older, I'm sure.

   How do I know that Wyatt is a super advance baby!? Because all of the presents he got were for kids 3+ (or older)!! Look at this!

LEGOs ages 5 - 27 12

LEGOs ages 4+ (it feels like I am yelling LEGOS!!! at everyone, which is weird, but that's how it's spelled!)

Pokemon Cards ages 8+

   plus a MagnaDoodle and some other LEGOs and a knife from his creepy uncle. Now, I know what you're thinking "Come on Grant, obviously all of those presents were for you and not the baby..." No! You're wrong! Leave me alone!!

   Merry Christmas everyone!!

   My mood: festive and jolly
   Wyatt's mood:  center of attention forever!!!
   Listening to: Wyatt's Grandpa's Christmas music

The Little Sinner!!

I've quickly learned that vests and overalls are just killer cute on babies.

   Oh man, guys. This stuff's getting real right about now. Wyatt clearly understands the words "no" and "no touch," and he is definitely aware that there are things he's not supposed to touch (like outlets and, ahem, candles, and me when I'm facebooking). But what's been pretty entertaining is watching him not touch those things.

   I'd like to start with a story, before I dive into this story. When I was in high school I volunteered at my church's 3rd and 4th grade Sunday School room. I did this because I am a truly wonderful person, inside and out, but that's not the point.

 There were these math toys to play with. I played with them every week, making designs like the following:

Important copyright information: My brother made this design a couple days ago, put it on facebook, and then I stole it. There, you can leave me alone now, Garrett.

     The designs are lots of fun to make, and also very easy to make. Unlike the shoddy work shown above, my designs were sure to have rotational symmetry and reflectional symmetry, so, yeah. You might not think of those shapes as a math toy, but they are because all toys are really math toys, so get over it.

   When I was volunteering at Sunday School, hogging these toys from the other kids, I would say very clearly and sternly: DO NOT TOUCH MY DESIGN. Again, they were about eight years old or so. What I found extremely interesting, and really it's always stuck with me, is that those kids would lay their heads down on the floor, stare at the shapes, and put their fingers as close to it as possible without touching it. They'd look at me, gauge my reaction, and move their fingers closer. As soon as they touched even a corner of a piece I would reprimand them, they'd back of, and then usually leave it alone. In fact, they often left at that point and played with some other volunteer who was actually fun.
   Those encounters happened several times. It's like two dynamics were at work: 1) They wanted to get as close to doing the bad thing as they possibly could without actually doing the bad thing, and 2) They wanted to test their limits. I knew if I let them touch the pieces ever so slightly, that'd turn into touching more pieces and then moving pieces and then probably doing drugs, so I had to draw the line.

   Story over. Now back to my story.
 

Wyatt's First Birthday Party!! Wahoo!!

   What a great day!! Cara and I wanted to throw a fun little party for Wyatt's first birthday. By now you've probably seen the infamous moment that came out of the party, but there's still more great stuff!! We chose the theme "The Legend of Zelda." Now, people seem to question using the word "we" in that last line. I can honestly say she was the one that pitched it, and I was the one that ran with it. Since you probably don't know, and jokes are funniest when they have to be explained to everyone at the party, "Link" is the main character, the one pictured above (image found at zeldapedia, which is of course a real website). Link is trying to save Princess Zelda. 

   Cara had a lot of fun making his little tunic and his cute little hat. We even toyed with the idea of giving him little elf ears, but, really, he already has them (you're welcome, Wyatt!!) But, did you know that there are lots of things about The Legend of Zelda that translate really well to a birthday party!? Of course you didn't! You've never played the game, just like how none of the people that were actually at the party had played the game, save for my brother!! So, I'll explain everything in excruciatingly precise, embarrassing detail like I did to them, and you'll love it!

Happy Birthday to Me!!

A picture my mom put on the facebook of me
as a youngun. Some say Wyatt and I look alike...

   Wahoo!! It's not every day that you turn somewhere-between-the-ages-of-24-and-32, and Friday September 14th was my special day!

Having a birthday within the first two weeks of September can be a bit rough. There is so much transitioning that happens during this time of year, particularly with school and football, that it can get shuffled, overlooked, or completely lost. It's something I have grown accustomed to. But when I walked into my classroom this morning, ready to teach the workers of tomorrow all they'd need to know about algebra, what did I find!?

A Happy Birthday balloon on my birthday!? What at treat!!

     I couldn't believe it! Someone at school knew it was my birthday, snuck into my room before 7:20 am, and left this one balloon floating by itself in the corner. ... ... wait, that doesn't make any sense. Oh, right. It was a student's birthday yesterday, and this was left behind. His mom brought him cupcakes and pizza. Oh well, I can still pretend it was for me, right!! Yay!!
   I go through the day, hoping that the topic of "birthdays" will somehow come up organically, but alas. It was not meant to be. Still, what can I expect when I am at a new school, and things are just getting started for the year.
   I go home and check my facebook (which I never ever do at work ever) and there are OVER TWELVE HAPPY BIRTHDAYS!!! I'm so glad all my friends remembered and took the time to think of me!! I am not great about doing that for others, so it's appreciated. But, even better than facebook: When I got home, my mom and baby Wyatt were there. The house was cleaned, including the hadn't-been-touched-in-four-days kitchen, and mom had gotten a carpet cleaner to take care of all of our new baby-induced stains!! It was sooooo appreciated. Cara had been wanting the house and carpets cleaned for quite some time, and now they were!! Yay!! But then something even more magical was about to happen!!

The Coast!!

   What's the first thing you do when you get a new minivan? Take it to the beach!! If you said "get insurance" you're right and I'll get right on that, but we threw caution to the wind and decided to head west to end of the continent. So we loaded up the new car, and boy did it have space!

Baby's first trip in the van! This is interesting, okay!!

   We had room for baby, mommy, daddy, auntie, uncle and all of the food and gear we could possibly need!! Minivans are the best!! This one even has a cd player!! Exclamation points!! We took the quick drive to the coast, listening to an old mix-cd I found. (Seriously, do you know where your cds are? No, you don't, because you don't listen to them anymore! Also serious: I would love to have your cds for my car.)

   Here in Oregon we don't actually call it "the beach," because, well, that'd be a lie. The water is too cold to swim in for long, the wind blows hard (and cold), and the sun is rarely out in force. It's not a place to go get tan, meet babes or surf without a wetsuit. In fact, the babies resorted to this shelter Garrett and I had to build:

Shelter from the wind. It's like we're in Iraq or something,

We put up a sheet to try and shield Cara, Auntie Ashley
and Baby Wallet (AKA "the babies") from the harsh wind.

   Yep!! Sunglasses, sunscreen, sweatpants and jackets make for a typical August day on the Oregon Coast.  Just so you know, it looked like this for a long time:

I wonder if we'll see any celebrities!?

   I even forgot to bring anything warm whatsoever!! I guess I was just too preoccupied providing for and protecting my family. So I was just in my sandals, t-shirt and shorts, like a sucker. After about 45 minutes of this we gave up. As we were leaving our prized shelter, we saw other groups of people trying desperately to have fun: Two guys throwing a football that veered in weird directions because of the wind, a young family hiding in the tall grass from the galeforce winds, a sad child failing to fly his kite, someone chasing an errant frisbee for miles. It just made you want to give everyone a hug! I wanted to yell "We tried, everyone!! Maybe next time!?"

   Luckily our town on the coast, Florence, has lots of little lakes, great state parks and enormous sand dunes. So we went to Honeymon Park, laid in the sand and got warm.

Wyatt doing his army crawl, in keeping with our Desert Storm Trooper theme. 

   Guess what?! Wy loves the sand. He can't get enough of it, and not just in his mouth! He loved playing and crawling and trying to walk and throwing sand and burying my no-longer-function cell phone! When we put him on the ground on the sand dune, he crawled/rolled down several feet, just giggling!!

   He loves the water too!! The lakes on the coast are very warm and comfy, so they're easy to splash in. What a great time was had by all!! This is the most interesting thing you could have read today!!

My mood: adventurous but tired from all of the adventuring!!
Wy's mood: excited for new experiences!!
Listening to: Prom Mix 2003

The 4th of July!!

   Wyatt is just flying through all of his first holidays!! He even got a leap year on his first try!! The Fourth of July was just a few days ago, and boy did he look the part!! It's tough not to well up with patriotic pride when our back-fence neighbor has been flying the ol' stars and stripes with such reckless abandon.

   Our neighbor ("Walt" I think was his name -- nice guy) actually moved his flag pole from behind a tree that had overgrown it, then sent up these colors, which, by the way, don't run. The flag has been blowing in the breeze and alerting planes of the windspeed for about a month now.

   But Wy looked like a little flag himself!

The hat says "Back To Back World War Champs." It is his uncle's.

   Oversize collared shirts just never go out of style, do they little baby!? I know you're wondering "But Grant, what on earth did you wear for the festive occasion?" I actually have no idea anymore, as it was like 5 days ago now, but I think it was red athletic shorts and a white shirt, backed by a blue sky. Red white and blue!!
   The next day, we kept that plaid-short-train rolling, I threw on a better-fitting polo shirt, and his favorite fishing hat, and I got a few pictures of him standing!!

 
   Well, really, it's more like he is standing and longing for that which he cannot have. Electricity. And ohmygoshwhatisupwithhishand!?

   Wy's mood: proud
   My mood: proud
   Listening to: That song about putting the boot in the terrorists' ass cause it's the American way.