Here's a video that I totally didn't film while in my underwear. Things like this are getting more and more common in our household (Things in the movie, I mean. Not me filming in my underwear which I wasn't doing. Focus!):
The kid will run in circles for minutes at a time. Literally just over and over and over. Sometimes the circles are big, sometimes he's basically spinning in place. We don't know why. He'll giggle the whole time, babble to himself, and often crack himself up. All it really takes is putting something on the floor for him to run around. Sheesh it's fun.
Except for that it's sad. Is he trying to communicate with me?! Is he running in circles because he knows that I have been running in circles too, metaphorically!? My life is kind of stagnant right now. Every day it's the same thing: take care of the baby, think about things to blog about, check to see how many page hits I've gotten in the last four minutes, and read about college football. Yeah, there's some teaching and some picture taking in there, but it's all the same routine.
Running in circles. How come I haven't become famous from this blog yet!? Is it my fault!? I feel like all it takes to be rich is to be on a reality or daytime talk show, and all of those people just get those jobs from having super interesting lives. I think I have proven that I have a super interesting life, based on the fact that my mom shares almost every single blog update on facebook. It must be worth reading!
Running in circles. How does he know?! Are Cara and I running in circles? We are. I mean, literally, we chase each other and Wyatt around the house like all day long. Sometimes on all fours while we play "lions" (Which is such a stupid name. No one is roaring. No one is pouncing anywhere. We should call it "four-legged-mammals"). But also, not just literally. Non-literally. Sometimes it seems like all she does is work and never really cares that I walked Wyatt around the neighborhood four different times in one afternoon.
You're not here for text. Sorry. I got carried away there. Here's some random video I haven't even watched at all, so I don't know what's on it and can't be held responsible for its content.
Have I used this picture already?! I don't know. But I do know this: overalls > everything.
We've had an especially cute couple of weeks here at My Kid Is Special. I mean, I've been my usual trend-setting self (just yesterday I was told I look "comfortable"!!) and Wyatt has been happy and playful and dressed to impress, but even Cara has done something with her hair or something!! We'll have to take family pictures soon.
But, sadly, I've noticed that being adorable isn't an option for Wyatt forever. Let me show you what I mean.
Here's what he's wearing these days:
So... pay no attention to my sock at the bottom there. I am a great photographer.
Now, it's not super tiny and all "oh-look-he-thinks-he's-a-person" cute, which we've been known to pull off on occasion, but at least it's still small and sweet. But what the heck is this?!:
It's gigantic!! It's over two feet long!? Are you able to get a feel for its size from the picture? Let me try another one:
I can't even hold it far enough from my body to get the whole thing in the camera. Hopefully Wyatt gives some perspective as to how enormous this sleeper is.
Gah!! Nothing cute about that! Is he going to be that big? I mean, I guess that's the goal, but, I just feel like having him run around in those clothes is going to be creepy. The tag said it was for 16 - 17.5 months, which I thought was a bit too specific, but who knows. Ugh.
Still, I need to be ready with the camera for these few remaining months where he is pinchably cute. Like here, with his new tiger:
Or here, with his favorite toilet in the background, playing in... my... hair.
Admit it. There was a moment there - just a split second - where you thought that dark stuff might be poo. Ew!! I would never post any of my pictures of him playing in poo, of which I have many.
Yeah, okay that one's a bit creepy. I was cutting my hair (I cut my own hair, get over it) and he really wanted to put some on. He even tried to eat it, but aborted that idea pretty quick. We let him learn through doing.
It's tough being so happy all the time!!
At least he'll grow up to be a looker like his dad. Maybe the awkward, not-cute-anymore-yet-not-handsome-yet phase will only last for 10 or 12 years for him. For me, I just got through that phase like four months ago.
My mood: proud of my genes and my jeans
Wyatt's mood: so excited!! We don't even know what for!
It's called My Kid Is Special, because I knew early on just how smart, talented, coordinated and perfect little Wyatt would be. I am basically writing these blog posts just so I can prove to the world how much better my kid is than yours, and how much better of a dad I am than all of you, um, mostly women who read this. (hi Joe!!)
So, let's just put it this way. 12 months old, can your kid do this!?
Of course your baby can't, that's just crazy! Did you see the part where he picked up his stuffed dog, Tyler, and then tried to play with all three?! Of course you did, because it was near the end and that video was frick'n gripping. That's determination on his part, trying to overcome his physical AND spatial limitations. We still aren't even sure if he's right or left handed, because he's so dang talented with both.
And to answer your question: yes I do think I'm a wonderful dad for letting him have three wonderful push-roll soundmakers. It's probably why my kid is so special.
I also think this is evidence of his, um, specialness:
I've quickly learned that vests and overalls are just killer cute on babies.
Oh man, guys. This stuff's getting real right about now. Wyatt clearly understands the words "no" and "no touch," and he is definitely aware that there are things he's not supposed to touch (like outlets and, ahem, candles, and me when I'm facebooking). But what's been pretty entertaining is watching him not touch those things.
I'd like to start with a story, before I dive into this story. When I was in high school I volunteered at my church's 3rd and 4th grade Sunday School room. I did this because I am a truly wonderful person, inside and out, but that's not the point.
There were these math toys to play with. I played with them every week, making designs like the following:
Important copyright information: My brother made this design a couple days ago, put it on facebook, and then I stole it. There, you can leave me alone now, Garrett.
The designs are lots of fun to make, and also very easy to make. Unlike the shoddy work shown above, my designs were sure to have rotational symmetry and reflectional symmetry, so, yeah. You might not think of those shapes as a math toy, but they are because all toys are really math toys, so get over it.
When I was volunteering at Sunday School, hogging these toys from the other kids, I would say very clearly and sternly: DO NOT TOUCH MY DESIGN. Again, they were about eight years old or so. What I found extremely interesting, and really it's always stuck with me, is that those kids would lay their heads down on the floor, stare at the shapes, and put their fingers as close to it as possible without touching it. They'd look at me, gauge my reaction, and move their fingers closer. As soon as they touched even a corner of a piece I would reprimand them, they'd back of, and then usually leave it alone. In fact, they often left at that point and played with some other volunteer who was actually fun.
Those encounters happened several times. It's like two dynamics were at work: 1) They wanted to get as close to doing the bad thing as they possibly could without actually doing the bad thing, and 2) They wanted to test their limits. I knew if I let them touch the pieces ever so slightly, that'd turn into touching more pieces and then moving pieces and then probably doing drugs, so I had to draw the line.
You can tell he's holding the bottle because I'm clearly holding the camera. Also, he wears that Kermit shirt a lot, we should talk to him about that,
I've tried to be very consistent with how I portray myself, my son and my lazy wife. I like video games, he likes to hear himself make sounds, she wishes she'd married somebody else. We get it. But, one thing has to change, and this is a very good thing:
Wyatt can hold his bottle.
He could always hold his bottle, really, now he just chooses to. Like a big boy. But before we get to that, a little history:
I've tried lots of things to get him to feed himself. We've used sippy cups, I've taped his hands to the bottle, I've refused to feed him while he cries, I bought a little cage feeder for a gerbil - none of these things worked. It all became exceedingly frustrating when I was playing nintendo discussing politics with a friend over the internet, and he had to be fed. As you know, you can't do the aforementioned activity without both of your hands, so we had to stop our informative dialog and shut down the skype session.
I go to my parents house. The same tired old act plays out. Just watch:
Have you ever seen anything more ridiculous!? No! You haven't!! Not unless you've seen this, of course. (Yeah, fine, you caught me. I googled "most ridiculous thing ever" and that was like the 5th option. Way to go, Columbo). Well, we kept on trying. Just a few moments after that video ends, I put him in my lap, opened up his hands, placed them on his bottle, and held them there for about 15 seconds. I was helping him hold his bottle. Then, as I slowly removed my hands from his, well...
Ohmgosh. Not only did he hold his bottle, he drank from it, he moved his hands, he re-gripped it a couple of times. He'd open his hands and squeeze on it. He once dropped it and then picked it up again!! A whole new world has been opened up in terms of my free time!! The other day I was hanging up a new shelf in his nursery he never sleeps in, and he was super fussy. What'd I do!? I yelled at Cara!! She didn't do anything though, saying she was too busy "holding up that shelf I can't get level," so I ran to the kitchen, grabbed his bottle and some milk, ran back, put it in his hands and watched him go to town. He was feeding himself, I was working, Cara was just relaxing, leaning against a shelf. Typical. But wonderful.
It used to be I could only do one thing while Wyatt was hungry: feed him. Now, who knows what I can do!? Blog? Clean? Nap? Workout!? That's probably been the main reason I haven't been able to work out for the last few years, actually: Wyatt no holding his bottle.
Oh man. You've heard about the big party. What you didn't know was, before the party, we simultaneously made Wyatt very very happy and very very sad. I'll show you what I mean.
We headed to Fletcher's to buy a baby shower present for a friend (Fletcher's is the local baby store in town). While there, Wyatt was fairly interested in all the toys and clothes and everything, but when he got his hands on this thing, there was no turning back:
In fact, when we tried to turn back, this happened:
It's only like a three second video, but it happened over and over and over. He cried on our way out of the store. He cried the whole drive home. He cried at home, then found his fire truck and tried to make due:
Sure, it looks like it could work, but we ended up wit this, just a few moments later.
We weren't sure what to do. It was obvious he really enjoyed the wooden lawnmower thing, and wanted more time with it. We weren't sure if we should get it for him, as it wasn't cheap and we don't really want to spoil the kid after all. The last thing you want is a kid who gets whatever he wants when he cries. That's why sometimes I don't even feed him or change his diapers. STOP CRYING FIRST!!
As you saw from the party, though, he got lots of presents. Two of those presents were just like his lawnmower!! In fact, one of them was a lawnmower!!
Okay, no more videos. Thanks for putting up with all that. If you look in the background, you can also see a walking popper as well. The lawnmower was from Cara's grandma (Wy's Great-grandmother), and the popcorn popper was from my mom and dad (Wy's grandma and grandpa). Wy loves them both dearly and plays with them all the time. It's fun for me to mow the lawn while he's on the deck mowing the lawn. Thanks everyone!!
Sometimes people think that having toys that make a lot of noise are going to be really annoying. I'm sure at some point they will be, but right now, I would much rather have a happy baby playing with a toy that clicks a lot, than have a baby who is fussy and wants my attention. Leave me alone! Also, it's great being able to hear where he is in the house, so that I can feel like I am watching him while I am watching 30 Rock reruns.
Someone said something offensive, and Wyatt fainted like a housewife from the 20's
The best part about this picture? Cara was asleep on the couch, Wyatt crawled up on top of her, and fell asleep in that position. Everything about this picture sums up my wonderful, beautiful family.
My mood: the only awake one
Wyatt's mood: faint, obviously
Cara's mood: nappy
Listening to: nothing
Over a week!? What was I thinking!? Well, you can stop your angry emails and glares when I see you at the store. I usually write a few blog posts on the weekend, and whenever else I can find time, but last weekend I was hunting with other manly men who don't drive minivans (yes, I drove the only manlyvan I saw all weekend). And no, I am not going to post pictures of the trip here, because it really isn't all that cute and adorable, that's what you're here for. Your here for stuff like this:
I'll always think that horse has a creepy face
Why do I mostly write blog posts on weekends? Because the rest of the week is me time. Well, more specifically, it's me-and-Mario time. But I think we're all missing the big picture here. Sure, you can be frustrated with me, but what is my wife doing all this time!? Why am I the one who's solely responsible to provide the world with the blessing of Wyatt?! Is it really so important for her to "meal plan" (whatever that is, I don't even think it's real.)? Or to make and freeze a few dinners? Or even to make a delicious homemade pasta sauce from our garden tomatoes?! Sure, those are all great things. But, can we really claim that they are more important than this blog?! I don't think we can.
Anyways, here's a fun video of Cara and Wyatt spinning on a chair to placate you.
What fun!! I love spinning in chairs. I used to take my chair from my room into the back yard and spin it for minutes. I love being dizzy. It's important we bring the conversation back to me whenever possible.
My mood: "busy"
Wy's mood: dizzy
Listening to: Carole King
