Monday, July 9, 2012

It Must Be Monday!!

   I don't care how your day started, mine was worse. The following story is 100% true and 0% exaggerated:

   I wake up at around 7:15am to the baby crying. This isn't terribly early, and he slept through the night, so I was prepared for him to be hungry and have a full, wet diaper. Every morning is a judgement call on which problem to attack first: the food or the urine. Today I went with the food and made a bottle.
   While feeding him, he pees. Lots. It leaks out of his diaper and pretty much soaks the right half of my shorts. No big deal (in fact, it's nice and warm!). So I take him to his room to change him. Promptly after I remove his bulging wet diaper, he starts to pee again, getting my arm a bit but - more importantly - getting his face. Some actually goes in his mouth. He coughs and screams, just like you would.
   He's freaking out (and again, I understand), so I pick him up, clean off his face, and try the ol' let's-put-on-your-diaper-while-I-hold-you trick that never, ever works. Eventually, with mom's help, we get the diaper on him and calm him down. She takes him, I remove my soaked shorts and take a quick shower.
   Post shower, I grab him so mom can get ready for work. I'm holding him with his back against my bare chest. I go to set him down, when I realize there's some poo on his back. He'd poo'd right up the back of his diaper, as babies are so fond of doing. While I was holding him! The thought crosses my mind to check my own chest, and it is poo'd upon as well. I put him in the dry bathtub, change his diaper, and give us both a bath.

Look at how modest he is, covering his little turtle with that little turtle!!

(caption continued): Hey! Stop looking so close to see that it's actually a turtle!

   In a span of about twenty minutes I was peed on twice, pooped on once, forced to change two diapers, and had to take a shower and share a bath. Only twelve hours to go until the wife's home from work!! Who knows what other misadventures we might have together!!

   Wyatt's mood: he promptly fell down for a nap. All those bodily functions are exhausting!
   My mood: surprisingly clean and refreshed.
   Listening to: Outkast (so fresh and so clean clean, get it!?)

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