My Wife Is The Best!!

This photo really has nothing to do with the following text.

   So it's 3:00. In the morning. My wife says to me "Go grab the baby." Her saying this wakes me up and, pretty much without thinking, I get up and start meandering to the baby's room. I didn't hear him cry or anything, but she usually is more sensitive to his crying at night. I've taken one step from the bed and she says something like "look out for the cleaner."
   Look out for the cleaner? I guess that makes sense. We'd rented a carpet cleaner that day and it was still in the house. Maybe there was something in the way? I don't know. Still, it's weird that Wyatt would need me so early in the morning, he'd been sleeping through the night lately. Something wasn't right.
   You know how, when you've just woken up and are all groggy, you can think like a million half-thoughts between each step? You have thoughts about your bearings and surroundings all while trying to decipher if the dreams you had were dreams or not? I was right there. Something wasn't right, but I wasn't yet awake enough to figure out what it was.
   Then she says, still laying in bed, "Make sure he gets through customs."


   ...


   Make sure he gets through customs?


   ...


   What? Ohgoshdangit she's asleep.


   SHE WOKE ME UP TO CHECK ON THE BABY IN HER SLEEP!!


   I promptly turned around and crawled back in bed, chuckling to myself while annoyed. I was starting to wake up and figured Cara must be dreaming she's on the run. Probably with Travis - you know, the one that got away. She and Travis and the baby were making their escape, looking out for the cleaning lady while trying to slip by customs. "Go grab the baby. Watch out for the cleaner. Make sure he gets through customs." It all makes sense. It all makes me sick.


   Sleep talking is one of Cara's more endearing traits. She did it quite often in our first couple years of marriage. Whenever she said something entertaining I would promptly go to the computer and write down whatever she said, so that I'd remember it the next morning. Then I'd usually email them to her old roommate, who also has great stories of Cara sleep talking. I have five recorded stories, but I don't want to write them all down right here, so I'll just share one encounter I had with sleeping Cara. Her words are regular, mine are in italics:

March 15, 2010 at 1:24 am:

I know what the problem is.

What's the problem?

If your blood pressure is lower than you think it is, than it's too high.

How do we fix it?

Problems.

Anything else?

No. Stop making fun of me. This is important.

    [she was very angry and serious for that last line]

End Transmission

   One of the most important things when dealing with a funny sleep talker is to ask the right questions. You want to be specific, but leave room for imagination and elaboration. I wouldn't say I am great at it, but I have had a lot of practice at this point.

This photo is also just here to appease the baby-picture chasers.

   This sleep talking thing goes both ways, however. One day (we'd been married about 4 months at this time) I came home from school. I walk in the door and Cara says "So, the cable guy is coming in an hour to hook us up." I was a bit frustrated. We had been discussing getting cable for a couple of days, but never landed on a yes or a no.

   Me:  I wish we'd talked about this more before you just called Comcast.

   Her: Are you kidding? We talked about it last night for like an hour!

   Me:  No, honey, no we did not."

   Her: [getting a wee bit flabbergasted] Yes we did!

          [putting it together] Were you doing most of the talking?

          Yes

          And I was I laying in bed?

          Um... yes...

          So, is there a good chance I was asleep?

   I was. We had a sleep conversation and decided to get cable. This happened again a few months later when we decided to get a new bed (when obviously the one we had was doing just fine for me). I'm still not convinced these conversations actually happened, but I think she just claims they did to get what she wants. (although I don't think she's that clever, ha!)

My mood: amazed
Her mood: proud
Wyatt's mood: indifferent
Listening to: nothing