Friday, August 17, 2012

Vote For Meeeee!!!!

They really get me.
   Wow!! What an honor!! It seems I have been nominated as one of the Top Mommy Bloggers on the entire internet! In fact, if you were to go to their website and vote for My Kid Is Special!! as one of the top blogs, who knows what could happen!? I sure don't! My guess is, I don't know, I get to appear on Ellen or something?

   I know you have some questions, so let me answer them:

Wait, what?! You aren't a mommy and this isn't a mommy blog.
   Hahaha, that's a great question, thanks for asking. Last I checked, isn't this America? And isn't being a mommy in this day and age less about gender and more about loving your baby, posting images of him online, and using lots of exclamation points?! I mean, it's not like I would try to label "aunts" as "the sister of a parent ONLY," because strict definitions simply aren't important anymore.

Why on earth would I waste time going to some list of mommy blogs to vote for you when neither you nor I get anything out of it!?
   Hahaha, oh what fun we are having. First of all, how do you know that you won't get anything out of it?! That's what I thought. Second of all, look at this picture of my baby!!

He took this picture all by himself! (no he didn't!)
Well played, good sir. What qualifies you for this award? What are their standards?
   Ooh!! This one I can answer. What qualifies me is that I filled out an application and requested to be considered for this award. Also, it's not so much an award as it is a ranking on a website. Also, I don't have any idea how these rankings work or what they mean. Finally, there are over 4500 mommy blogs on this website, so, I am pretty sure nothing is going to get accomplished here. Oh what fun we are having!!

Wait, what? You weren't even nominated? You applied for this stupid thing?
   Oooh!! This one I can answer too. Yes.

Ugh. Fine. What does it take to vote?
   Oh gosh I don't know. Let's see... Go to the website, for sure. Then, probably you have to register? Give them one of your fake email addresses. Then search for my blog and vote on it? You'll probably have to do one of those "are you a robot!?" tests that involves writing words you couldn't possible decipher unless you were actually a robot, but it's worth it I'm sure.

UPDATE: NO!! It turns out that just by clicking on this link you have already voted for me and improved my ranking!! I am up to 7 points at the time of this writing!! So click hundreds of times!!

UPDATE NUMBER 2: It turns out clicking it over and over doesn't make any difference. You can only vote once from your computer. So grab your friends computer!! Or go to a public library and use ALL OF THEM.

Ugh. Did you know that if I type "my kid is special"  -- your EXACT title -- into their search bar, you come up as the 77th option. Seventy-Seventh!!
   Oh wow! What an honor!!

No, there are only 77 options!!
   I think you've forgotten what a question is. But that's okay, here's a picture of Ryan Gosling.

I'm sorry, I just ... well ... *sigh* ... I mean just look at him ... wait what were we fighting about?
   I don't even remember, something stupid I am sure.

Stupid! That was it! This is stupid. I'm pretty sure I am about to stop reading this blog post until you do something entertaining. This has been an enormous waste of my time. Here, let me make that a question for you: Can you please make this enjoyable?!
   Wow. I've tried to be nice, but, let's get a few things straight. They only way this could be an "enormous" waste of your time is if you read at like 2 words per minute. Thirdly, I give and I give and I give. I post things solely about me and my baby for the world to see so that I can feel like I am cared for, and what do I ask for in return!? I don't do pledge drives, I never ask you to babysit, and I have probably NOT sold your information to Babies R Us. So I don't think voting is a big deal.

You're absolutely right and I was totally wrong. Your also very handsome and a fantastic parent. Any child would be lucky to have you in their life. I would like to bake you some cookies. Would that be okay?
   Thank you for asking, that would be fine.

My mood: votey vote voteeeee!!
Listening to: mulan obviously
Wyatt's mood: neglected


  1. I would like to bake "your" some cookies too...

    1. Why does my wife never catch those!? And! You've become INSUFFERABLE since becoming a fancy "employed English teacher."