Friday, August 10, 2012

A Day Off!!

   As we all know and universally agree, being a parent is a full time job. Having a real job isn't even nearly as important as staying at home with the kids!! But the wife was heading to Portland for her sister's birthday, taking the baby and spending the night. I had a whole 24 hours to myself!!
   I haven't had a day off in years. There was so much I wanted to do, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized there was so much I needed to do. I mean, the house looks like this:

   The kitchen looks like this:

This was after doing a load of dishes
   The bathroom looks like this:

New floor, no toilet

   And there were all kinds of chores and tasks I hadn't gotten around to in the last few months. I needed to fill the void in my life from not having the baby get stuff done!! So what did I do?! What any crafty, successful stay-at-home parent would do: I made a list!!

   I tackled the list with a fervor. I was determined to prove to my wife that I could accomplish lots, if I just didn't have a baby to deal with. She doesn't really understand how hard it is to drive to the store and buy the baby's food when you have to load a carseat, pack supplies, buckle up the baby while he screams, drive somewhere, unload the baby, go shopping, grab stuff, pay for stuff, load it into your car, load the baby into your car, drive home, unload the crying baby, unload the stuff, shut the door to your house, and put the stuff you bought away.

   (Pro tip: really, really simple tasks seem incredibly difficult and tedious if you list every single possible step in rapid-fire succession.)

   You see, she seems to think that because she works and makes actual money and stuff, that I should have to do things beyond just taking care of a life. Like, a person. A person's life. Sure, she's a pharmacist, so she is kind of doing that at her job too, but, it's like, why don't I get paid for taking care of one single life?! But if I can accomplish LOTS of things while she's gone, in a short period of time, then I'll have proved my point and won an argument for all time!! It's every man's dream!!

   So I tackled it with a fervor. Um, like, like I said above, I guess. There were 30 things on the list and I got like 28 of them done! What's my secret?! Multi-tasking. Stay-at-home moms are well-renowned for their multi-tasking skills (that is just a footnote, as it doesn't apply to me at all). So, when I went to bed I made a new playlist and listened to it in my hammock while reading. Three down!! I rode my bike to the river and swam around the river a bit (let's call that a workout), another three in one!! I shaved while calling about that one thing, and wrote in cursive while making that to-do list. How resourceful!! How crafty!! What a fulfilling life I lead living at home!!

   It was so much fun having some time to myself. But did my wife notice when she came home and the kitchen was clean, the house picked up, and there was still no toilet in the bathroom?! No! It's as if all she wanted me to do was actually install the toilet.
   Just so we're clear, she'd rather I do one hard thing over like fifty easy things. Glad I know that now. All she ever sees is the flaws. It's like "okay fine I didn't bathe, but I did get in a river, so, there's that."

   Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "oh my gosh Grant you're ridiculous." I know you're thinking this because you tell me this all the time in person or on facebook. Get over it. You might also be thinking "what do you mean you 'haven't had a day off in years' when the baby's only ten months old?" I would like to reply with "Wow get a life!"

My mood: Frustrated to get so much done and have it not be enough. Ever. It will never be enough.
Wyatt's mood: missing his daddy!!
Listening to: Cleaning the House mix


  1. Awesome. Your mood of this post seems to be my constant mood. Staying at home raising a LIFE is intense and consuming. Oh man, just wait until he's 2 and disobeys and runs away and demands this. It's super fulfilling :)

  2. Sorry about the "just wait until he's 2..." comment. I actually hate it when people say that to me. It's more a reflection on how my days going rather than on your son being 2 one day :)

    1. Haha, don't worry about that. I actually am super excited to be able to really play with him... like throw balls and run around and stuff, so I'll take the good with the bad.