Monday, January 21, 2013

Adventures of Another Man

   Hi. I'm Grant. I don't really do much to introduce myself to the dozens of new readers I get every year, so I'd like to take a chance to do that now. I write a blog about how great I am and how great my son is and how average my wife is. It contains lots of italics and CAPS to stress points. I am rarely serious about anything unless it involves a Nintendo. Here's a picture to really help you get to know us, a picture that might be more informative than one of my typical blog posts:

   If you've seen the "about me" page of my blog, you know that I am a man. You might also have thought "Why does Grant need an "about me" page of his blog when his entire blog is about him?" I once saved another man by pulling him out of a river. I've gotten so lost in the wilderness that I actually hiked off map. I've attacked a house fire with no regard for my own safety. I can eat whole pizzas. I once hit a squirrel with a rock.
   So, you're impressed. How could you not be?
   Lately? You want to know what awesome things I have done in the last two years? Hmm, why do you ask? I fixed a drawer on a desk another man built 20+ years ago. I took down the Christmas lights my wife set up. Um, I changed a flat tire on my minivan manlyvan. Let's see. Gosh, is that it? What happened to me? What happened to Grant: Man?

   My friend Tim, though, now that's a man.

Look at Tim's manly chin. And also that other man behind him. 

   He and I are very similar. We both went to the University of Oregon, have a house and a wife and other similar possessions, and both enjoy the outdoors. He even writes a highly successful blog just like mine!! Go check it out at, because if you don't you might not appreciate the rest of the jokes in this post.
   Tim blogs about the same stuff that I do. Where I write about diapers and nap time and strolls, he writes about hiking, climbing, saving lives as a member of search-and-rescue, his time in Iraq, and his dog.
   There it is. There's the difference. His dog. While Tim and I share so many things, my wife and I had a kid and Tim's wife and Tim had a dog. Those things are different, if you weren't sure.
   I'd like to share some of the things that Tim and his wife and his dog do. You might think that this is a violation of Tim's privacy, but don't worry, he posts about his dog on facebook at least seven times per day. Pictures of Tucker napping. Pictures of Tucker not napping. Pictures of Tucker tracking and training and in the morning and on the couch and playing with the cats (oh yeah, they have cats). I should probably mention that Tim's dog's name is "Tucker." These are three pictures from his timeline.

Yawn. Yes, Tucker, that's how we all feel right now.
I think Tucker is the primary beneficiary of Tim's will.
Tim was trying to teach Tucker to ride a tricycle here, but then snoopy got in the way. 

   How on earth is Tim's life so much more exciting than mine?! It revolves around a dog! Sure, he drives a cool big truck AND has a motorcycle, and maybe he and his wife go bmx biking and camping all the time. But Cara and I adventure too! Last week we grabbed a RedBox movie that we had never even heard of (we didn't watch it), and one time we randomly decided to prune our apple tree! How exciting! And who could forget that time I put a pacifier in my mouth THAT HAD A MUSTACHE ON IT!!

What crazy, mischievous fun we had that night!

   Is this what having a baby does? Am I boring now!? No! Well, yes, but, not because of the baby. I was always boring. Now I just have an excuse. "Sorry Tim, I can't summit Mt Hood with you because Wyatt might be fussy in August, so, um, have fun. Would if I could!" This is a way better excuse than "Sorry Tim, the new Pokemon comes out in August and I plan on catching them all!"
   Don't worry, everyone. In a few years Wyatt will be old enough to either come on my adventures, or sit at home by himself if I hide all of my video games. So, I can adventure again soon. But, I guess by then we'll have another kid. And soon we'll have a whole family that is in school and going to ninja practice and breaking things like furniture and societal barriers. I won't be free until they are like 12 and can babysit themselves. But by then I'll be my dad's age when he was my dad and then my life is basically over. Is it worth it? I hope so.

Wy's all like "yeah I know
they're sharp I don't care.

My mood: Wasting my time blogging about my lack of a life
Wyatt's mood: he found some nails to play with!
Listening to: nothing.

Now he's all "what there's nails
everywhere what are you going to do?" 


  1. My dad and grandpa climbed the Middle Sister together, and then when my brother was old enough, they took him along. They also completed the whole Pole Pedal Paddle in Bend, as did Cara's dad. Dad=/=boring Also, I went camping at 2 months old because my parents said "We're not letting some baby change our lives!"

    1. Thanks Hannah, I'll try to keep that in mind. Also, some say that reading is the greatest adventure one could ever go on, so I am sure that applies to TV as well.