Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Removing Barriers

   This is probably the most important thing you will read today. I know that because you are reading a mommy bloggy, which means I can assume you read mommy bloggies plural. If you are reading mommy bloggies plural, you've figured out by now that my kid is more important than other kids because he's the cutest, probably the smartest, and definitely the most special. So, hang on:

   Wyatt is getting taller. I mean, like seriously, this is bad news.

   Just to remind you, Wyatt used to be this tall:

   Note where his head hits those shelves, about 3/4 of the way up. Here's another picture to give you reference, and also to make you sad or make you laugh, depending on if you are a good person or not:

   Note where his head is in relation to that chair. Now, for the last 11 months or so, I've been able to put my dumbphone, keys, wallet, glasses, and swords on top of any of our surfaces and they'd be safe. Not anymore.

Wyatt! There's fourteen dollars and a GameStop membership card in there!
   Do you see that! He can just reach up and grab things now. I count seven counter-top-like surfaces in our house, and he can grab things off five of them. Five!! Now, for my wife it's not such a big deal, because she never put things on the floor anyways. She always comes home, puts all of her stuff on the floor right in the middle of the hallway/living room, and then 18 minutes later demands I find all of the credit cards Wyatt has scattered. If you were to ask her if this is true, she would claim that it was not. This makes her lazy and a liar.

   It gets worse.

   This is our front door. The handle is a lever. He can reach up and grab the lever, which only requires him pulling down to unlatch the door. He's reached up and touched it several times. A couple of days ago he actually opened the front door and walked outside. I would like to remind you that he is 15 months old. To put that in perspective, that's like 8 years old in dog years.
   Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "Where on earth can I get a windo like that one!? Those flowers remind me of Beauty and the Beast." You'll be happy to know that it is for sale for 0 dollars.

   It gets worser.
This is a re-creation of the events described below. 
   I was playing video games, he was next to me playing with everything on the floor. I look over, and he has OPENED A BOTTLE OF PILLS!!!! THERE WERE PILLS ALL OVER THE FLOOR. LIKE, MEDICINE PILLS, FROM ONE OF THOSE CHILDPROOF CONTAINERS THAT I CAN'T EVEN OPEN WITHOUT A HAMMER. Sorry, I'll stop yellin-- whoa!! Sorry, I'll get out of italics too.
   Can I sue over this? I don't think he knows how to open these things, I think he was just playing with it and spinning the cap and got lucky. He's actually really smart about how things work. He can turn on my computer, he can unplug and plug in the power cord to the laptop, he almost put a USB connection into the computer, something I can't do on the first try unless I'm really feeling it, and in general he has good cheekbones too. Pretty much the total package.
   He definitely didn't get a chance to put them in his mouth, as I turned and freaked out as soon as I heard the pills rattle to the floor. Why did he have the pills in the first place? They make a great rattle.
   Okay, you get it. We're reaching new levels of Things Wyatt Can Do and his mom and dad are having a tough time keeping up. But we'll get there, don't you worry.

My mood: perpetually terrified
Wyatt's mood: pushing all the limits
Listening to: Third Eye Blind

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