Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Public Meltdown!!

   We all love watching a train wreck, right? People tune in to see Amanda Bynes break down over the last, what, twenty months? Or LiLo for the last, what, twenty years?! It's just so fun to sit on our couches in our perfect little lives and judge imperfect people.

   That's why a good facebook implosion makes for good blogging. I have a ... friend ... who experienced one of these recently. Now, we all know that raising a child can drive anyone crazy, even if that kid is perfect and, as parents, we too are perfect. Let's watch this one, which happens over the span of about nine hours. Names and pictures have been erased to protect the innocent bystanders.

    Oh, the poor parent. Unsure of how to proceed, and asking for a little bit of help and validation through facebook. Notice how the parent is trying to convince others as well as himself of his lack of fear. A few good friends chime in with some support and advice, but, this isn't looking good.

   Oh man. Not off to a good start here. Why not google these questions? When you ask the random population, someone is going to offer something like fish soap. Do fish need bathing these days? I wonder if he tried sugar, because, it seems like that would work.

   Oh, yeah, this is a clear sign that dad's breaking down. The rules and structure of the household are going out the window. Look at how tatted that little boy is now! And ink on the bed!? Will the madness continue forever!?
   What's that you say? Oh, yeah, I guess the facebook post does have the name "Wyatt" in it, but that doesn't mean it's me. There are a lot of Wyatt's out there. No, we have no idea who is having this humiliating public display, and we never will.

   Notice how abandoned Grant (Shoot! My name!!) is right now. No likes, no advice, no support. People aren't sure how to help, or what to do. He's breaking down!! It's so sad. Also, he's right, it's always coming.

   Whoa!! Where's this coming from!? There's some latent, repressed emotion spewing forth now!! This is like stage 6 of Public Breakdown Stages, and it's not pretty. And why on earth are people liking this?! People are often.

   Okay, what kind of a parent can't tell which sort of thermometer is present?! And when someone offers genuine help (not that jerk talking about taste, but the one who wants a picture), he's totally uncooperative!! He gets what's coming to him, that's for sure.

   Oh, how sad it is when someone has fallen so far that their accomplishments would still be the worst part of anyone's day. And who's the brat that finds all this entertaining!? And look at how Grant (the victim) is getting no support, whereas Wyatt (the perpetrator, the inflictor of harm upon Grant) is getting all the love. Makes me sick. Literally, I think I am getting what Wyatt has...

   WHO CAN YOU TRUST!? That's the main thought going through Grant's mind at this stage. People are exploiting him, mocking him, liking his failures and offering advice. What advice is good?! And look at that Jefferson Ray creep. I am actually including his name and his photo so that EVERYONE KNOWS TO AVOID THIS GUY. KEEP HIM AWAY FROM CHILDREN.

   Whew! A brief respite. Some time to recover and then inevitable relapse. It's so nice to have a break and really feel the healing begin.

   Relapse!! We all knew it was coming. There's always the fear of relapse, of never truly conquering one's demons. What a sad state for this once great man. Some kind soul offers some advice about watching football, and, is that other person making a racist comment?!

   So you're curious! (curious!) And that's marvelous (marvelous!) And that's you're reward: You're never bored!! If you're curious, like Curious George!

   Wait, is that Mick Jagger!? He's friends with Mick Jagger?! And Mick Jagger is taking the time to personally offer some words of wisdom, from experience?! That's amazing! This Grant guy must be really, super cool, because the above photo was clearly not doctored in any obvious way.
   But do you see what's happening!? Now people are abandoning him. He's become toxic. He can't be helped. What ever happened to commitment in marriage?! What ever happened to "For Better or For Worse?!" I am referring to the comic strip, which, it's like, what's up with that one?

   Did you know he writes a successful, hilarious blog?! You probably didn't. You should share it with all of your friends and like it and join and maybe send donations?! Wait, has this all been some publicity stunt?

   Ah, closure. The wife has returned and everything is okay. He's making amends with those he has harmed, which is a necessary step. And the wife offers her heartfelt sentiment that he never return to this dark time in his life. One person up-thumbs.

   23 people liked this!? 23!! That's more pageviews than I get in a day. Where were these people when I was falling apart?! Lost and insecure! Lying on the floor!! Where were you!? Why'd you have to wait!? Just a little late!!
   Ugh. As always, mom's the worst and I am on my own. No need to thank me, for getting our son through the day sick while you worked. I don't do it for the thanks. I do it for the reward of being miserable all day. That's all I need.

My mood: thinking about getting a drastic new haircut
Wy's mood: still not feeling great (sadface)
Listening to: Curious George and The Fray

1 comment:

  1. LOLed at the fact that Cara got more likes than you did the entire day.