Tuesday, December 27, 2016

My 5yo Came Up With The Best Present Idea!!

   Having kids is the worst because you have to buy them a present that they can give to their mom. It's miserable. I don't want to spend $10 on Cara and then spend seven more dollars so that Wyatt can get her something. And sure, Wyatt has some money saved up in his College Jar (no seriously), but I didn't want to break into that unless it was an emergency and I was going to an arcade or something.

   Usually a clever parent whips up something lame like coupons for a backrub or a picture of happier times, but I just can't. Partly because Cara still hasn't cashed in coupons from her last Birthday/Anniversary/Mother's Day/Valentine's/promotion/new haircut/me trying to get out of the doghouse.

I can't imagine why Cara hasn't cashed these in yet. Wyatt and I actually made these in his Sunday School class on Mother's Day, so it was a total lifesaver. My gift idea of "go ahead and take a nap" probably would've fallen flat. It's worth noting that we were supposed to make three coupons, so I had to make a third thing that looked like a coupon.
It's also worth noting that she asked one of our neighbors for a backrub, coupon in hand, and they promptly moved away. Poor kid was super traumatized.

   Well, Wyatt comes along and just crushes the whole "thoughtful and cheap" gift thing. I can't believe I didn't think of it myself: He put a bunch of Legos in a box, and drew a picture of the thing he wanted me to build. He made up a Lego set for me. It's brilliant. (And free!)

A folded "book" of directions, a box full of pieces, and a mostly-eaten bowl of cereal. Great stuff.

   I was so pumped about this. He usually builds his Lego sets with his uncle Garrett, because it's the only thing that Garrett could possibly do with him without scaring him to death, so I was glad to have a chance to build with him. I also wanted to see what he had in store for me.

A close-up of the instructions. Take a moment to see if you can guess what he has in mind.

   Well, shoot. I think we can all agree that this is disappointing. No color. No depth. Terribly poor drawings. I don't think he is even able to shade. Ugh, I don't know what Cara does all day. Besides work, I mean.

   Here's what I could see: a house with some plants (easy). A person who has no arms (done). A couple flowers and/or rocks (sure). An arch? or.. a snake? Maybe that's a rainbow, he's been into rainbows lately? I think it's a snake eating a person. Is that how the person lost limbs? Is that supposed to be Cara? Probably not (too skinny), but I am starting to feel like this is a cry for help. And probably food. I'm not convinced she feeds him.

   What's that big tower thing? It looks like a fence that was drawn by someone with no capacity for perspective.

   When Wyatt explained it all to me, he showed it was a house with grass, a skyscraper and a person. The big snake was actually a wave ("We don't have to build that," he assured me), and the sun ("Don't have to build that either."). 

   I was in store for even more disappointment, sadly. He hadn't even built it in advance! There was absolutely no testing or quality control! It's like he's four years old, instead of five! We didn't have enough pieces, couldn't set up a functioning roof, had absolutely no yellow bricks to build the sun, and most of the pieces he had already deigned for grass. Brutal. He will never be a Lego engineer, that's clear, so I think I still need to carry that torch for the family.

   Still, this is totally a gift I am giving him every year for the rest of forever. It's simply another example of how much fun, and how surprising, seeing someone grow up before your eyes can be. Lately, it seems like Wyatt does this every other day. Just today he set up a bunch of plastic cups, and put toys under some of them, so we could have a shooting gallery with our nerf guns. It's great stuff. I think today he asked me to play with him eight different times (doing eight different things), and I only said "no" to six of them.

My mood: disappointed and proud. I know, it's confusing.
Wyatt's mood: excited about his Christmas presents
Lincoln's mood: not excited about pooping
Cara's mood: bed rest ("Doctor's orders," she claims).
Listening to: Justin Timberlake.

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