Thursday, June 11, 2015

Bathroom Code Words!!

   Every family has their own terms for bodily functions. Most of them are because we don't actually want our kids saying words like "poop," "pee," and "pisser."

   "Pittle" has always been my favorite urinary diversion, that I heard a family friend using.

   Well, I think we can all agree that "tooting" is standard fare for gaseous exclamations, right? Wyatt has you beat. He has your family's cute little "fart" term beat by a nautical mile.

   If you recall, we've had some difficulty getting him to do the #2. We've had a lot of success in this area, primarily because we moved his bed in to the bathroom, but today we shared a special moment. Wyatt was on the potty, and he wanted off. He'd done his business. I, as the ever-skeptical father, wasn't so convinced the day's work was done. "Are you sure?"

   He was sure.

   But then I hear some ... action ... down south. "Oh, it sounds like you might not be done!" (PARENTING IS THE BEST DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT EVERYTHING'S AWESOME.)

   "No, dad, that's just my bottom snoring."

   "Oh, well, okay if- wait. What?! What'd you say!?"

   "That's my bottom snoring. It snores."

   Oh good gravy this is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. And that includes that time my brother had to leave before his pizookie came.

Not you, Link!! You'll always be young and innocent and never talking about disgusting bathroom habits!! Me too!!

   In case you missed it, HE CALLS HIS TOOTS "BOTTOM SNORES!!" WHAT'S THAT!? YOU GOT IT? SORRY FOR all the yelling. Can you imagine? How does a kid come up with stuff like this? Not from me, because I don't snore. At all. And I can't claim he gets it from Cara, either, because she doesn't so much "snore" as she "constantly-tries-to-grind-the-air-into-smaller-particles-of air through her throat." It's as if she thinks silence is death! It's like living with an air-compressor that has an always-on setting at night, and a "nag" setting during the day. (All kidding aside: she's the best!)

   But that's all not the point. The point is, I am looking to work "my bottom has to snore" into conversation as soon as possible. Let's all do it!! The first to have it happen naturally wins 18 WyPoints. You have to have video.

   What about you? What are some of your favorite nicknames and code-words for disgusting behaviors?! Leave me a comment and tell me!! I am trying to do pro-blogger things like begging you to leave me comments, or updating my blog more than once every three months, to try and generate some real buzz over here. There are some other tricks I've picked up too. Real pro moves, like commenting on everyone else's blog with things like "Ohmygosh this is the cutest picture of Shalea I have ever seen and it reminds of my post about butt snores here look!" or promising exciting gear giveaways like how I am trying to get rid of my old retainer. Or maybe some worthless WyPoints.

My mood: sun's out/guns out
Listening to: The Shins

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