Ladies Man!!

Wyatt is a Gilchrist man if ever there was one. There are many indications of this, like his love of whittling, fear of touching bugs, or inability to remember lyrics. But the biggest giveaway that Wyatt is my son is how he handles the ladies.

He and I were in the shower the other day (don’t worry, it’s not weird). He says “Lots of girls sure like me,” as I start washing his hair (totally age appropriate). I ask “How many?” (please don’t call the police), and he says “I don’t know, but two of them want to marry me.” (we were wearing swimsuits?) "and one of them tries to kiss me." (let's pretend this whole setting is a joke).

Ugh. Been there!! I remember being at school and feeling like the ladies simply wouldn’t let me breathe without reminding me that I have food in my teeth, or that I skew much more towards "obnoxious" than "funny." Just give me some space, girls! This unwanted attention is a burden that Wyatt and I have both had to share, like bacne.

Unbeknownst (first time I’ve ever written that word!!) to me, Cara already had a plan in mind to repel future daughter-in-laws:

His father's shadow looms large over him. Never a good thing when his father is me. Also, teeth.

That’s right. Wyatt asked for a pi shirt, somewhere around March 14, and Cara does what she always does: Buy the kids the things without even thinking about it. It’s why we have 74 Beyblades. Now Wyatt is guaranteed to not have a girlfriend until college, if his dad is any indication.

Also, oh my gosh please note the fact that the top of his hair is quite well coiffed (sixth time with that word! I’ll show you the tally list later.) but the rest of it has been through the dryer. And not, like, a hairdryer (78^th time with that word, believe it or not). He fell in love with hair gel "a pretty long time ago" as he puts it, but I think he can't see all of the mirror or something.

[Note: my wife pronounces that word "coughed"]. [Also note: She probably spells the word "coughed" as "coffed."]

Wyatt came back from school pretty early in the first grade saying that girls were trying to kiss him. “You wouldn’t have this problem if you stopped brushing your teeth” I said, speaking from experience. “Just start talking more about chess and video games, all of your problems will go away.”

Lincoln, surprisingly, doesn’t have this issue with girls. Or boys. Or people at all. In fact, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Lincoln interact with a person. I’ve started to wonder if he’s like the kid from The Sixth Sense, but instead of seeing dead people (Spoiler alert! Sorry!), he sees no people.

And while we are talking about hair, like we were a few paragraphs ago so don’t freak out, can Jet get a shout-out here?! I cannot get enough of those golden locks.

We need to get that jaw looked at, however. It's always like that.

I’ve always silently (and glaringly) judged parents who let their kids grow their hair forever. Looking at you, Brita. But Cara has cut Jet’s hair one time and I almost divorced her when I got home. We know he needs a haircut, but it’s the cutest thing in our lives and basically the only good thing each day and just so precious and someone please call for help. So now, I don’t judge parents who don’t cut their kids' hair, provided they are as cute as Jet. Looking at you, Brita.

I think things will work out okay in the end for Wyatt. We keep seeing those front two teeth of his outgrowing the rest of his teeth, and his mouth, and the weeds outside, so the ladies will soon be turned away, I’m sure. If that doesn't do it, he's bound to eventually get some of his dad's personality, and that'll certainly end his girl problems, leaving him with 99 others.

My mood: so fresh and so clean

Wyatt’s mood: stressed to go to school

Link’s mood: stressed to go anywhere

Jet’s mood: needs screens

Cara’s mood: unbeknownst to me (2!!!!)

Listening to: Walking on Sunshine by The Band Who Plays That Song