Ladies Man!!

Wyatt is a Gilchrist man if ever there was one. There are many indications of this, like his love of whittling, fear of touching bugs, or inability to remember lyrics. But the biggest giveaway that Wyatt is my son is how he handles the ladies.

He and I were in the shower the other day (don’t worry, it’s not weird). He says “Lots of girls sure like me,” as I start washing his hair (totally age appropriate). I ask “How many?” (please don’t call the police), and he says “I don’t know, but two of them want to marry me.” (we were wearing swimsuits?) "and one of them tries to kiss me." (let's pretend this whole setting is a joke).

Ugh. Been there!! I remember being at school and feeling like the ladies simply wouldn’t let me breathe without reminding me that I have food in my teeth, or that I skew much more towards "obnoxious" than "funny." Just give me some space, girls! This unwanted attention is a burden that Wyatt and I have both had to share, like bacne.

Unbeknownst (first time I’ve ever written that word!!) to me, Cara already had a plan in mind to repel future daughter-in-laws:

His father's shadow looms large over him. Never a good thing when his father is me. Also, teeth.

That’s right. Wyatt asked for a pi shirt, somewhere around March 14, and Cara does what she always does: Buy the kids the things without even thinking about it. It’s why we have 74 Beyblades. Now Wyatt is guaranteed to not have a girlfriend until college, if his dad is any indication.

Also, oh my gosh please note the fact that the top of his hair is quite well coiffed (sixth time with that word! I’ll show you the tally list later.) but the rest of it has been through the dryer. And not, like, a hairdryer (78^th time with that word, believe it or not). He fell in love with hair gel "a pretty long time ago" as he puts it, but I think he can't see all of the mirror or something.

[Note: my wife pronounces that word "coughed"]. [Also note: She probably spells the word "coughed" as "coffed."]

Wyatt came back from school pretty early in the first grade saying that girls were trying to kiss him. “You wouldn’t have this problem if you stopped brushing your teeth” I said, speaking from experience. “Just start talking more about chess and video games, all of your problems will go away.”

Lincoln, surprisingly, doesn’t have this issue with girls. Or boys. Or people at all. In fact, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Lincoln interact with a person. I’ve started to wonder if he’s like the kid from The Sixth Sense, but instead of seeing dead people (Spoiler alert! Sorry!), he sees no people.

And while we are talking about hair, like we were a few paragraphs ago so don’t freak out, can Jet get a shout-out here?! I cannot get enough of those golden locks.

We need to get that jaw looked at, however. It's always like that.

I’ve always silently (and glaringly) judged parents who let their kids grow their hair forever. Looking at you, Brita. But Cara has cut Jet’s hair one time and I almost divorced her when I got home. We know he needs a haircut, but it’s the cutest thing in our lives and basically the only good thing each day and just so precious and someone please call for help. So now, I don’t judge parents who don’t cut their kids' hair, provided they are as cute as Jet. Looking at you, Brita.

I think things will work out okay in the end for Wyatt. We keep seeing those front two teeth of his outgrowing the rest of his teeth, and his mouth, and the weeds outside, so the ladies will soon be turned away, I’m sure. If that doesn't do it, he's bound to eventually get some of his dad's personality, and that'll certainly end his girl problems, leaving him with 99 others.

My mood: so fresh and so clean

Wyatt’s mood: stressed to go to school

Link’s mood: stressed to go anywhere

Jet’s mood: needs screens

Cara’s mood: unbeknownst to me (2!!!!)

Listening to: Walking on Sunshine by The Band Who Plays That Song

Giant Trampoline!!

Cara and I will stop at nothing to ensure that our special children have everything they could possibly want. It's a big part of why Wyatt has 11 fidgit spinners and 18 lightsabers, with the other part being "Grant loves Star Wars and can't sit still." So, we thought, collectively, "Expenses and safety be darned, we need to get these boys a trampoline!"

Also, it was on sale super cheap the day after Christmas, and also we are pretty sure it has some structural damage.

Don't worry, folks, we'll have more exciting images later on. Wyatt is able to climb down on his own. Lincoln is not. So when Wyatt decides he's done, if he doesn't come get me, Link can be hanging out on the trampoline for a while. He doesn't yell or cry or fuss, just waits. Or naps.

One thing is certain: They love it.

I think if I were able to play with them on the trampoline indefinitely, they would starve before they stopped. Even without me, they can go for a super long time. It's like we purchased a cheap babysitter and made a long-term investment in hospital trips. Good financial planning on our part.

I kid. People think that trampolines are so dangerous, but did you know that each year more people die from car accidents and heart attacks combined than from trampoline accidents? I learned that from 30Rock.

Lincoln's favorite thing in the world is a game called Trampoline Monster. It's pretty complicated, but I'll try to explain it to you using small words. It's a game where I get on the trampoline, act like a monster, and eat them. I bounce as hard as I can, and as soon as one of them falls I pounce. My favorite thing is hearing Lincoln ask me to play trampoline monster 8 times a day. It's usually the first words out of his mouth when he wakes up.

Then a bunch of stuff like this happens:

I title this photo collection "Grant Didn't Know Cara Was Going To Take Pictures And Shouldn't Have Worn a White Shirt."
Also, "Thighs."

You might notice Wyatt is into finger guns. And posing for cameras.

Happy Baby.

True story: Wyatt grabbed my hand and flung it down, right into Jet's eye. Jet didn't cry, he was too shocked and felt so betrayed. And don't worry, I am not even flexing my abs in this picture.

Jet loves the trampoline too, but we don't always let him on. So he passes the time by scrounging for food.

"It is important in a young child's life to learn what is and isn't good for eating through unsupervised experimentation."          - page 8

What'd you learn, Jet!?

Wyatt in particular is getting pretty good at this bouncing thing. When we play Trampoline Monster, the rule is if he does a flip, the monster falls down. Lincoln is trying his best too.

Wyatt is way better at this stuff now than I ever was. Flips are scary!! Your feet are above your head!! The good news is, now when he asks me to do a flip, I can say "I'm too old, I'll hurt myself." It's not even a lie!!

I have one last video. It's of Cara jumping with the boys, seeing that I am filming her, and then awkwardly trying to look modest. I'm not going to share it, you sickos, but I want to remind her that I have it because holy cow is it funny.

Thanks for reading!

Everyone's mood: bouncy
Listening to: Nothing, actually. Kind of weird.